Alive
by Koken
Summary: Dealing with the after math of Serenity, How does the crew deal with a life without Wash? Is he really just a memory? Lemon Warning. Please R
1. Alive in Memory

**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters, I don't own Firefly or Serenity, I don't own my house, I don't own my car, I don't own my pants. Where…are my pants? Where…is my car…? Oh shit..not again…SAFFRON!

**Warning: **Sexual Content…I repeat _graphic _Sexual Content. There will be scenes and they will probably be graphic. Lemons and Limes are my kind of fruit, and if you ain't cool with that turn around now. Now on a different note, there is a little splash of torture, and a little dash of action, lot of blood, and a little gore zested on top for garnish. Read at your own risk

The XXX XXX XXX XXX XXX XXX denotes a time change or scene shift. I usually use but they don't show up on this site. Odd don't you think?

**NOTE:** SORRY! I misspelled Captain…as Caption…So…for the last few day I suppose I wanted Mal to be small lettering under a picture…but now he is permitted to control a ship. The first two chapters are the same I just fixed all the references to pictorial descriptions.

Alive in Memory

By: Koken

Mal stared ahead at the beautiful companion as she hesitated. She took a breath, her answer slipping across her lips with a sweetness and honesty that made her resort to an unsteady quiver. It wasn't natural to see Inara naked in such a way. "I don't know" She said in something almost quiet.

He wanted to smile wide with victory, but he just let his face take a very honest look. "Good answer."

Inara watched him go, his steps heavy with the weight of his past. She let her eyes glace across his tattered clothing as he left, her mind taking into her memory every inch, every movement of him. She closed her eyes and let herself loosen. Should she stay? Could she survive him all over again?

She found herself walking, without a destination. Letting her feet carry her to the place she most felt at home. Inara lifted her hand to the door of her shuttle. Her clean delicate skin graced the dirty metal door before she pulled it open.

The harsh material felt alien around her, but the pilot's seat was still the most familiar place, most private, to her. She let her footsteps echo in the emptiness, wanting to hear more than just her own thoughts.

She sat herself down and closed her eyes. Her mind was very loud, a calamity of unanswered questions splattered with doubt and confusion. Did she want the civilized life again? Did she ever want it? Did she want the glamour? Though all the noise she didn't hear Mal enter unannounced.

He didn't speak at first just watched her for a moment. He saw her sad face, staring into nothingness with closed eyes. Her gown was as beautifully proper as ever and her very smell filled his breathe. She looked very tense. He couldn't resist taking an extra moment when she wasn't paying attention to admire her.

"We're in the black again."

Inara's usually calm shoulders jerked with surprise, eyes wide as they looked up at him. "You scared me Mal."

"Sorry 'bout that." He said a deep tone of sincerity to his voice. "I didn't mean to…ya know." Mal's tone was soft as he crossed his arms.

"Not scared, just startled." Out of familiar habit Inara found herself resisting the urge to scold Mal for entering without knocking. It wasn't her shuttle anymore.

Silence. Heavy and thick like molasses drained down the walls between them.

"Can I help you?" She finally asked.

"You know…your welcome in the guest bunks, they are a bit nicer than this empty shuttle." He said seeming to be offering and not ordering.

Inara let her hand trail over the panel of dials, lights and screens that composed the steering console. "I think I'll sleep here tonight, if that's alright with you."

"Of course, he said with a nod, "Knock yourself out." The tall man leaned himself back a little more and spent a moment searching for the words he needed. "You think, you'll want to rent it 'gain?"

She seemed to momentarily stiffen. "Can we talk about it in the morning?" Inara asked, her clam mask a shadow of its former glory.

"Yeah, 'course." Mal said quickly wanting to think of something witty but instead he decided not to venture on that path today. Inara didn't even notice him leave.

Inara sat in the empty shuttle; it seemed to echo her own heartbeat. A vivacious living being trapped inside a metal shell and yet unable to decide. Inara's dark curls fell over her face. She could feel the home she used to have here. She could have it again. She could stay and see Kaylee's face light up. She could stay and see Mal everyday.

Even though Inara hadn't seen a client since teaching at the academy, she knew that Mal would still call her a whore.

Kaylee envied the companion, for her glamorous life, and her luscious taste, yet Inara envied the mechanic. She was so close with the Captain. Like a younger sister. The girl enjoyed privileges Inara did not. Mal made things right with Kaylee. Mal indulged her, took care of her. Mal didn't even respect Inara.

She touched the cortex screen with a delicate finger. Did she want to take on clients? She had to remain a guild member; she was too accustomed to the privileges to quit. She had no quota to fill, no dues to pay. She had permanent membership with requirements, although they were minimal. She could just stop if she wanted. Did she want to?

If she gave in, quit, it wouldn't be for Mal, at least, she couldn't let herself admit that. Mal's insults she could handle . . . she just didn't know if she wanted that life, not now. She loved entertaining men, the conversations, the events. She enjoyed the recent work, just escorting them, the tease of hard to get, the lack of misunderstanding. She stood and let herself gracefully float across the shuttle. A dance, beautiful and graceful, calming unraveled from her movements without conscience thought. She let the hum of Serenity wash over her, clean her. She didn't dare step into the bowls of Serenity in her weakened state. She knew the ship would consume her. Like a beast and force her to stay before she had made her decision.

She finally let the calculated rhythm die away. She let her body still. She could hear the thumping of her heart, struggling to hear it speak. What did she want?

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Mal didn't yet trust River to fly his girl without him there. He had sent the girl to bed and enjoyed what he could of the early morning hours. They were getting close to the training house. He turned over in his head all the things he could say to try and convince Inara to stay, in the end he knew _she_ would choose what _she_ wanted. He leaned back and stared into the black with his eyes a little glazed over. He heard her footsteps only a moment before she spoke.

"Mal?" Inara's sweet voice made the room seem to glow. He turned to look at her, attempting not to tense.

"Yeah?" He asked, knowing what she was here for.

"I want to stay on Serenity." The sentence was filled with Inara's calculated calm attitude. "however, I have some conditions."

Mal let an eyebrow raise up, "Speak your peace."

The dark haired woman stood proud and assured with her face up as she spoke. "I want the shuttle. It was my home, a place I could make my own and it offered certain freedoms that I require. I cannot, however, currently afford the same price we negotiated before." She took a few steps closer to the Mal. "I do expect I am even more valuable to your ship, now."

"Why do you figure that?" Asked the Captain, trying to suppress a pleased feeling of knowing she would stay. No matter how he argued, she would get what she wanted.

"Because of this," She extended one long and graceful hand to touch the cortex screen. Her fingers were almost like water, gliding over the glowing screen easily. Mal looked down at his face and name, shimmering onto the screen. Zoe's followed then Simon, and River. Their faces, names, birthdates, all wanted; for murder.

Mal's brow frowned. "There haven't been any waves…"

"I know. This was a message to companions. The guild ran it out. Confidential. Low profile. Something they weren't supposed to tell us. Alliance didn't want to wave it, because they don't want many people to know. Probably so you wouldn't know." She shifted and shut the screen down. "The information I have access to _is_ important. I can help you in this way, in exchange for some of my rent."

Mal bit his lip and looked up at her. "Why isn't Jayne wanted, or Kaylee, or you for that matter?"

"Your changing the subject Mal." She stood tall. "Do we have a deal or not?"

"Yeah, I can agree to that. You can take Jayne to the academy to lug your stuff, but, in light of this new information, Zoe, Simon, River and I won't be goin nowhere soon."

"Understood." She began to walk away and smiled gently to herself, without turning around she added. "By the way Mal, if you call me a whore again, I will slap you."

After Inara disappeared Mal couldn't resist a whisper and a chuckle, "Kaylee's gonna wet her pants."

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Kaylee let out a pleasure filled squeal that echoed in the cargo bay with almost a painful quality. Jayne rolled his eyes and dropped the heavy crate in front of the girl. "If I was liein' and she wasn't stayin' why would I be carrin' all the gorram crap _onto_ the ship."

She let her face light up and hugged the large man in excitement. The cheerful girl grabbed the smaller box on top of the large crate and bounded up to the first shuttle. Jayne took a moment to breathe. She had wrapped her warm little hands around him and squeezed. Sometimes Jayne wanted to kiss the girl. Grind his mouth on hers, push her against a wall and just make that cheerful girl squeal even louder than she just did. Jayne paid little mind to his urges, woman enticed him something fierce and Mal had already made it very clear Kaylee wasn't for him. Besides she had the doctor, he'd do the right thing, stay out of it. No one ever said he couldn't think a her, alone at night or in his dreams, he didn't hesitate to dream of every inch of her, or her wigglin' under him…screaming _his _name. He kept in his mind the feel of her arms around him, knowing that would eventually work its way into his fantasy's.

He looked up and saw her reach the top of the stairs. Saw her face light up as she looked at Simon. Jayne didn't mind that they were together, didn't mind Kaylee got all worked up over him, he just hated when the man made her cry. Seein' a girl cry made Jayne want to hit something, to smash someone to pieces. Seein' that particular girl cry made it even worse.

His hands tightly griped the handles on the large crate. He heaved up the box and made his way up the stairs to Inara's shuttle. He stayed in the background, out of the way. He was here to be the muscle. That is all.

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"We got it all yet? Would you like to pack up the mountain?" Mal asked, voice dripping as he looked down his nose as Inara.

"Almost Captain" She said with a smile, spreading a luscious set of royal blue sheets across her bed. "The only thing left is a few large containers, they are not for me. They're for the crew."

That peeked Mal's interest. "Is it…"

"Food. Yes. Fresh, honest to goodness food. The strawberries are for Kaylee, I assume you will ask her before digging in to them." She said with a smile, seeing the mechanic sparkle in the doorway at the sound of food, and even more than that, the thought of a certain fresh red fruit.

"Oh Inara!" Kaylee squealed, running herself toward the girl with open arms. She gave hugs out like candy today. Her joy was audible and her demeanor positively gitty. "It's so wonderful to have you back!" She turned and even hugged the Captain tightly as she ran out the door.

Simon almost spun as Kaylee ran past him. "I believe you just made that girl happier than any man could. You've ruined her." He shook his head sadly.

Mal laughed to himself. "That makes you just 'bout useless, doesn't it doc."

Inara held back any laugh for the sake of being polite.

Simon made a somewhat childish face and then ignored the taller man for the woman in front of him. "I just wanted to say I'm glad that your coming back."

"Thank you" Inara said with a soft smile, "I'm glad to be back."

Jayne walked into the shuttle and set the last box down. "Took food ta the kitchen, it's all in, we should get goin' capt'n, I ain't fancy to the look I get from these folk."

Inara let out a small laugh. "They are just school girls not used to seeing such a ruffian as yourself. Like a wolf in the hen house, pay them no mind."

Jayne blinked. "Wait…capt'n if they interested in me, I can't be leavin' um wondering, I should go back, be a wee bit hospitable."

Rolling his eyes the Captain walked out the door. "We're taking off Jayne." The mercenary sulked like a kicked puppy grumbling something about no pay in luggin heavy shit.

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Zoe climbed the stairs into the cockpit, a hand on her gun she walked up to the window. She always took count of the people in a room, always checked every corner the second she entered. Mal to her right, River to her left. She looked only at the Captain. "You said we have a job sir?"

River blinked looking at the back of the woman's head. She knew what the tall woman was thinking, but didn't speak. River was getting better at holding things in, especially those things that shouldn't be spoken.

"Yeah, Inara's got us a buyer for that hot little item we got bottled in the bottom of Serenity's hull." Mal said flipping a switch or two.

"That laser gun is extremely dangerous to fence, especially…in our current."

River's eyes widened, snapping her eyes to Mal's. She knew. She heard in Zoe's head, the woman had thought it, couldn't stop herself from thinking it, and now River knew. "We're wanted again." River looked at Zoe. "Why were you keeping this from us?" Her question was answered far before either of them could speak. She kept the answer and looked forward. "You should tell Simon, he would do something stupid if he didn't know."

Zoe looked down at the Captain her eyes confused. "She's getting better at this, sir."

"You can say that again." Mal said quietly. "The planet is not in the core. Alliance isn't reported to be anywhere near there. We should be alright, mind our own."

"Yes sir." Zoe said with a nod.

"We can make it in a day or two, at full burn. Faster we get there. Faster we're safe." River said as she looked up at Zoe's dark eyes, looking deep into her. She opened her mouth to say something, but Zoe's sudden mental voice seemed to slap River in the face, her head jerking to the side. She let her wide eyes stare forward. "Not my fault …you're thinking to loud."

Mal blinked, unable to fully understand the conversation but knowing that it might very well have something to do with Zoe's much hidden emotions, she would fly true, as best she could, but not with River in her head.

The tall woman turned. "I'll get things ready, sir."

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Jayne had been the good guy for a long, long time. He watched Kaylee fall head over heals for the shiny doctor and watched him mess it up with on dumb comment after another. Tonight, however, he seemed to be striving to top himself.

Simon's brow was furrowed at the brown haired girls standing defensively in front of him. "I give you all the time I can. I'm very busy, you need to understand that."

Her look was steady but did not hide the hurt of his words. "You sleep, eat, and breathe River." Kaylee was exhausted, something in her voice seemed to be dieing inside, her as the words bubbled out of her mouth with untamed emotion. Something even Jayne noticed, the entertaining quarrel even began to loose a little of its fun, knowing Kaylee would cry after this. But only a little. "I ain't ever gonna be even level with _her_."

Simon's arms tensed in frustration, his body leaning forward offensively. Jayne, the thick headed man he was, could see the mistake coming a hundred miles off with bright lights flashing every which way.

"River is my _sister_, I would give anything for her. She will always come first." He didn't seem to hear his own words, and Simon defiantly wasn't censoring them.

The deep tone made Kaylee stumble back a little bit. The words hit her physically in the chest. She didn't open her mouth, didn't say a thing. The girl just shook her head and walked away. Her feet didn't stomp out of the kitchen, they walked defeated. She was broken and accepted her loss without the dignity she deserved.

Jayne just looked at Simon his deep blue smoky eyes boring holes into the doctor. Jayne felt the impulse to protect the girl, an itch to pop the man in the mouth came curling up form his stomach. The mercenary never did like that fugitive none. But he didn't move, didn't do nothing but glare. He was doing the right thing, stayin' out of it, wasn't his business none.

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Kaylee wanted to scream. Wanted to howl in the blackness of space, and let the 'verse swallow her pain like it swallowed sound. She settled for the engine room. She walked to the back in silence before letting her throat open in a frustrated growl. Lifting her arm she pounded on the back wall of her crimson safe haven. She knew Simon wouldn't follow her, wasn't in him to seek out more confrontation.

"Now, now, little Kaylee, what Serenity ever do to you?" Came Mal's voice from behind her. She turned to see the man in the doorway playing with his worn suspenders.

"Nothin' Capt'n" came Kaylee deeply tired whisper, drawn with anger, sadness and little bits of longing emotion. All of these nuances Mal didn't catch the slightest of.

"She ain't the cause a your trouble so can we all agree on not beatn' on my girl." Mal asked with a gruff tone. "Now tell me little Kaylee, what you got your panties in a bunch over?"

Kylee flopped onto the step as the Captain lowered himself down. "What else in the gorram 'verse but that doctor."

"What? again?" Mal quipped with a twisted expression on his face. "you have got to stop this messin 'round if this man ain't doin' you right."

Kaylee sighed deeply running her fingers through her soft brown hair. "The doc just don know what he's sayin's all." The girl let her eyes stare at the turning engine of Serenity. "I just never known men to be so gorram complicated."

Mal let out a deep chuckle. "Could be sly…" He said with a shrug.

Kaylee just shot him a funny look and frowned. "Ain't funny Capt'n, believe me you don't want him neither."

"I know" Mal responded before realizing what Kaylee had said. "HEY!"

Kaylee erupted into laughter, the wide smile back on her face and some of her spirit back in her face. "And you say _I _got a mean spell!" Mal said with a tousle of the girl's hair as he stood up. "Get back to work."

"Yes sir" came the sweet ringing sound behind him.

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Inara brushed her hair slowly, her eyes closed as she stroked her long tresses in something of a trance. Mal had been, less than malicious, almost civil, but that had only proved something was weird between them. She stood, gracefully sliding her shall over her shoulders. She looked around her shuttle, boxes gone, and mostly decorated. She continued to move her fingers through the gentle fabric, showering her world in luxurious beauty. She stroked the soft fabric and remembered the words of her friend. Remembered the woman that defended her home. Remembered the pain of seeing _him_ come out of _her_ room. Remembered how long and hard she cried. She paused for a moment, noticing her hand holding onto the fabric in a tight fist. When she pulled her muscles loose she peered at the wrinkled soft piece. She pushed from her mind the thought of them together. The thought of him enjoying pleasures only a companion could give him…and knowing that wasn't her. She wanted it to be her. She wanted him.

She shook her head hard, reaching forward and grabbing the wrinkled fabric, she pulled violently, ripping the material off the wall with gusto. She threw it to the ground and pushed the tears down into her stomach. She was strong. Graceful, smart, skilled, and truly able to resist this pain. She slept with many men while her heart wanted Mal, wanted something with him, and she had no right to hold it against him. She closed her eyes, but only saw Mal. She took a deep breathe and let it go. She leaned against the closest thing and eased her heartbeat. She hadn't a client in a long time, she hadn't had a man in a long time. After years of being a companion she hadn't realized how much she was used to regular pleasure of her body. Her entire being yearned for someone to touch her, but in the middle of space she didn't even have the option of breaking down and taking a customer. She leaned her head back and closed her eyes. She remembered Mal in the dessert, where Saffron had left him, striped as naked as the day he was born. She remembered the way he looked without anything on. She remembered the wave, were they spoke civilly. She remembered the way his chest looked, littered with scars but still amazingly attractive. She pictured his sleep tousled hair, and imagined it that way after being tangled together with her.

She walked to the shuttle door, making sure it was locked before she laid herself gently on her bed. Closing her eyes she let the image of Mal kissing her flood her head. She let the idea of his lips on hers, her neck, her shoulder, her stomach, her breasts…she let her heart race, she let her world heat up. Her hands tenderly slid the silk from her body but the shuttle still burned around her in a fiery desire. She did no more then let her hands roam over her bare skin. Still thinking the touch was Mal's, imagining calloused fingertips, larger palms and his brown messy hair tickling her flesh. Eventually she slid her hand between her legs to finish what her mind begged to be done.

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River griped her pillow as hard as she possibly could. She had felt this … things like this before…but not quite like this. She had felt Zoe and Wash, but that was before she had been able to clear her mind and focus. She felt love, she felt heat. This was something entirely different. This was frustration, this was need, this was primal and this had flashes of the Captain. She didn't want that man in her head…she didn't want him on top of her, she didn't want him kissing her, but that feeling, that lust that want that passion made her breathe quicken. She stretched her body out and shivered deep inside. She couldn't block it out. It was so loud.

Touching; Kissing; Passion; that pushed inside her and moved like molten lava in a physical flow down her body. Her eyes flew open, where they were once tightly closed. Her black curled hair moved around her in waves. She felt suddenly like she was going to explode. This she hadn't felt before. She had felt the males on the ship doing what they did, but this never happened to Kaylee with Simon. This was coming from Inara. She could feel the woman's strength, passion and assurance as the feeling built. River felt fear rise in her, her own emotion. She felt her thighs shaking, her own thighs, not Inara's. She felt her chest heaving. She felt her body quivering. She couldn't stop it, her mind wanted to scream stop, her mind was scared of it, her mind didn't know what would happen. Her body on the other hand starved for it, shook for it, trembled in anticipation and kept her from closing her mind to Inara.

The heat, pooling between her legs didn't explode but she felt the wave of sensation, Inara's orgasm as she let out a small scream, the stimulation was suddenly taken away.

No more touching; No more kissing;No more passion poured into her mind and she no longer had to resist the idea of the Captain touching her, she was still mentally afraid of the feeling, but her body was determined. She moved her hand inside her underwear and pushed where pressure was need. Hot, wet, and burning for something to release her. The muscles in her body were woven together in a hot mix, like they were ready for a fight, a terrible fight that wouldn't come, something else needs to come. She pushed and wiggled and worked herself as best she could but the fantasy was missing, she didn't have anything from outside pushing on her anymore, she whimpered to herself, wishing Inara hadn't stopped.

She breathed raggedly pushing desperately with her fingers but to no avail. She couldn't get her thighs to tremble like Inara's passion could. Something else came to her, something just as primal, just as filled with need, and she didn't care who it was or where it was coming from, she just needed it. Needed to fulfill her own need. She felt the touching like a breeze of memory she could feel her imagination running her fingers into long brown hair, yanking it and it's mouth into a searing kiss. She could feel need inside her, feel herself swelling, feel her hands running up the smooth fleshy skin of another body as well as in her own pants and gripping her own pillow. It was vivid and confusing. The imagination, simple, forceful, blindingly loud now. Screaming in her head was the soft heat of another body, the dark brown eyes boiling in great sensation. Strong muscled arms suddenly flipping and pinning flesh to flesh, a tousled bed the only thing to stop the body's from crashing to the floor.

Touching; Kissing; Passion; once again, pounding animal passion that caused the world to shatter and wither before her. She bit the pillow hard and screamed into it as she came, exploding in a world of light and her body positively vibrated with sensation. She just lay there. She had felt other people wracked with pleasure like this, but she felt it on her own, much more intensely than she felt through anyone else.

River knew what sex was all about, now she knew. Not just the pleasure of touching…feeling…kissing…but…it ends in fireworks.

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He kissed her with delicate grace. His hands moved politely over her body and kept a dignified distance until invited to the interesting parts of her. He was full of restraint and careful attention. He kissed her and worshiped her body as if it were the most precious crystal vase. But he seemed to be empty. Where was hunger? Passion? Love? He was too selfless, always setting the pace slow, for her, never loosing control. Calculated and precise. The same way every time, the same touch, the same steps, almost the same order. Something about it left Kaylee feeling incomplete. Although she finally had what she wanted, it seemed hardly different from when she chased Simon. His eyes looked at her but never saw her. Now it seemed he intended on protecting her from the entire world.

He sheltered her like a child. Kept her from the engine room late at night, and always took care of her. It was sweet, it really was. . . but hallow in a way. It was an obligation rather than devotion. He treasured her, but it was more than that. She didn't feel like her own person anymore. Kaylee felt like she was being…swallowed.

She looked at him as he slept. An angelic face on a dark pillow. She looked around her abnormally clean room. He had organized her things. She reached out to hold his hand and stared at her calloused fingers on his. She quietly turned Simon's words over in her head. All the stupid things he let slip out, but all true.

_"Your quite literally the only girl in the world."_

_"With Kaylee? No, never with Kaylee!"_

_"River is my sister, I'd give anything for her. She will always come first."_

_"Kaylee's a simple girl, she doesn't know what love is."_

_"I only stay because of River. She still has her bad days."_

_"I can't change myself, my very being, just to prevent your irrational reactions."_

She stroked his hair. He'd never change for her, although she tired to change for him.

Kaylee lay her head down and closed her eyes. She had been up for too long.

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"What's bothering you meimei?" Inara asked as she moved the brush through Kaylee's soft hair, her hands careful to be gentle.

"Nothing's bothering me." She replied with a nervous tone.

"I've been trained to read people Kaylee, you can't hide these things from me."

"I…don't know if I …" She stopped, taking a deep breathe. "Simon, isn't…what I thought he would be."

Inara laughed softly. "People don't change overnight. Life and death experience don't do it either."

"Mal did…" replied the girl quietly. "He changed for bad, he changed for good…changes like a boat in the wind."

"With no rudder…I know…but Mal has many sails of freedom, people like Simon…they are very, very…" Inara could not find the right words.

"Rudderful?" Kaylee offered with a soft smile.

Laughing softly Inara nodded. "Yes, very rudderful."

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She moved with sure grace, she moved with a certain attitude and strength. Wash called her an Amazon and she called him Husband. Now she cleaned her guns and thought about him. She didn't want to be around people as much anymore. She didn't like to be around River. The girl would read her thoughts and bring up the man who could never be replaced. Wash often was unsure of her and the Captain's relationship, but Zoe felt her heart split in two. She could not love another man with the image of Hoban Washbourne running through in her head.

She was strong, she'd fly on.

But she would never forget. She would never forget how much she loved him, how he was the only man she would ever want to bear a child for. She missed his empty seat at the table, she missed his jokes, she missed his flying.

She was strong, she'd fly on.

Her hands moved with skilled grace. She knew her guns every nook and crannies, she knew how to disassemble and reassemble them. She moved without thinking, she just didn't want to think anymore.

_Zoe let herself fall onto the bed. Her shoulders ached and her body screamed at her to lay down. _

_"You got shot? You got shot and all you wanna do is lay down. Zoe, you go to sleep with a gunshot wound you ain't gonna wake up and I don't like sleeping with dead people!" Wash shouted in a funny but caring tone. "Look, you let the doc stitch you up and I'll rub your feet."_

_Zoe wasn't gonna turn down a footrub, despite the fact she was barely grazed in the firefight, she conceded pulling herself up again, feeling her feet scream. "Your rubbing them till I fall asleep." _

She shook her head a little and cleared her head. Her husband was dead. She saw him get a huge spike of wood slammed through his chest. Probably pushed his heart into tiny bits or even fused it back into the Captain's chair. She touched him, told him they had to go and she felt him, skin unresponsive. He had still been warm, still felt alive. Her husband was dead and gone and there was no reason to think about him any longer.

Zoe heard footsteps approaching the kitchen, a skip to them let her know it was Kaylee. She glanced up to see the girl's soft brown hair brushed into gentle waves. The woman smiled softly with her luscious lips and laughed as Kaylee stumbled and almost tripped on her way in. "Where are you headed in such a hurry little one?"

Kaylee flashed a sweet smile. "Nowhere." She righted herself and walked quickly to the fridge. She wrenched it open and reached inside.

"Your looking for your strawberries?" Zoe asked with a singsong bit of knowledge.

Kaylee had a small defeated look to her as she peered at the woman. "Did…someone take my strawberries?"

"No" laughed the war veteran, "they are in there just where you left them, but I thought it would be a good time to tell you there is also chocolate."

The girls eyes went wide and her mouth watered. "You mean real life chocolate, wonderful tasting, sweet, yet bitter delicious …from real cocoa bean…chocolate."

Standing with an ethereal smoothness Zoe walked to the lockers and opened hers, ignoring the empty locker that Wash used to use. She moved aside her glass mug and took from the compartment a small bar of rich delicious chocolate. "Inara brought it for me, however, I don't need all of it."

Kaylee's eyes had a way of lighting up like a kid in a candy store, something about her just made Zoe smile. She handed the bar to the girl and smiled wide when the girl jumped up and down. She wrapped her arms around Zoe and the warrior woman let her. Human contact was rare these days without any bullet removal involved, so she would enjoy that contact, possibly more than she should. Missing her husband was never quelled, never will be, but it was nice to be among friends and Kaylee always forced her to be in the real world rather than her thoughts and memories. This was a girl she'd willingly die for; it was only fair the girl brought life with her into the room.

"Thank you!" The girl turned quickly and pulled a few strawberries from her box and skittered to the table with her treats. She looked at Zoe's guns, admiring them laid out neatly and thoroughly cleaned. "You sure are careful with you guns aren't ya Zo'."

"Gotta be, don't want it jammin' like it did back on in Rollers. I don't want anything goin' wrong." She responded, although the taller woman knew the real reason, knew she never had to clean them this much.

"Think the deal will go well?" Kaylee asked as she prepared to eat her dessert.

"We can only hope, if it does, we may get paid for that hard to steal piece of history." She rolled her eyes looking over at the younger girl as she scooped up her fruit and chocolate. "Goin' somewhere?"

Kaylee peeked both left and right before letting out a little giggle. "Eating strawberries is a sensual experience and I think being alone is most . . . appropriate. Don't you think?"

Zoe laughed. "Sure do."

Kaylee skipped out in the same manner that she came, leaving the strong woman to sit alone at the table, alone with her thoughts again.

_"Oh what's this?" Zoe teased, holding up the small plastic figure that Wash wanted so much. _

_He acted like a child as he attempted to jump for the toy, a little hunched to emphasize Zoe's height compared to his. "can I please have my toy back sexy warrior woman."_

_The woman's rich lips couldn't help but spread into a smile and she shoot her head. "That isn't what you're supposed to call me now is it?" _

_Wash hung his head. "Can I please have my toy MRS. Sexy Warrior Woman?"_

_Zoe's strong muscular arms stretched for a moment. "Well, what do I get in return?" _

_Wash's sweet smile turned into a predatory grin as he leaned forward toward the taller woman. "I could think of a few things…Mrs. Sexy Warrior Woman…" He had a new target now, intent on her lips and fully distracted from her hands. _

Jayne's heavy feet caused an echo that snapped Zoe from her memory before he even entered the room. She spun one of her rifles and turned it to Jayne peering at him through the site. The large man just grumbled. "Damn girl, you clean your guns more than I clean mine."

Zoe knew, somewhere in her head she had a catchy come back for that. _Well you get them dirty just thinking of Vera_, or _that's a complement considering your unnatural love for your gun_, but nothing seemed to come to mind. These were the times she most missed her husband. He always had something funny to say, always had something to add, but now her world was silent, and laughter was far too sparse.

Jayne didn't say much, didn't do much more than walk around the kitchen, getting himself something to eat and snacking on one form of biscuit or another. Zoe usually paid Jayne little mind, he didn't care much for anything but guns, money, whores, and liquor. The man leaned over her shoulder, and reached out to touch one of her guns. Jayne wasn't a smart man.

In the blink of an eye, the gun Zoe was cleaning sat down on the table, still disassembled while a loaded pistol in her right hand pointed itself at Jayne's nose. She cocked back the hammer and heard the mercenary gulp. "Sorry, can I please see this gun here?"

Jayne's attempt to fix his rude action didn't really matter to Zoe. She just plain didn't want nobody touching her guns. That was that. "No" She said flatly.

"Alright, alright!" Jayne backed off and picked up his mug, he walked out grumbling about her lack of humor. He didn't say 'since Wash died' but Zoe only assumed she didn't hear it. She knew she wasn't complete without that man. Wasn't the same, but she assumed she would adjust, she would right herself after long enough with a hole in one side of her heart. She just didn't know how long it would take.

_"Come on, I go out there and risk my life for you and all I get is a cold look. No thanks, no nothing. Come on! Gimmie a kiss for my troubles at least." Wash said with a wide smile, his mustache twitching slightly as he spoke. She just gave him the strangest look. _

_"Alright, I'll settle for a date first." Wash said, pretending to give in to her cold demeanor. He smiled up at her. "I mean, at least I can treat you to a nice dinner planet side before we get all hot and heavy, no no, I insist." He waved his hands around as he talked. His voice betrayed he was nervous, but his body language was still strong. _

_The taller woman rolled her eyes. "You better shave that rat on your face."_

_"Wait…" Wash realized as the woman walked away from him, her legs moving in a pure strut. "That…wasn't a no then?"_

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Jayne sipped from his cup quietly, hearing something ahead of him that made him stop walking. Without the presence of his heavy foot falls he could hear Zoe disassembling her guns, but she could also hear something else. Something more incoherent. The man made a conscience effort to make himself silent, he slid toward the engine room, and heard it more distinctive. Someone was making sounds in there that weren't normal.

The mercenary didn't move at first, after the initial shock he peered down the hallway to make sure no one was coming, and that Zoe wasn't looking his direction. He snuck around the side of the wall peering in, and there in her hammock was Kaylee. She had half a strawberry in her mouth and a chocolate chunk in one hand. She made a soft cooing sound as she chewed the fruit. She moaned as she bit a small hunk of chocolate and mixed the two in her mouth. She looked positively erotic. She stretched out, letting her head fall back and Jayne could see her still moving the sensational tastes around in her mouth. Her hair fell delicately around her, her soft skin seemed to glow in the light and her fingers slid up to touch her own neck.

Jayne gulped hard and felt himself growing very hot. His pants no longer had quite enough room in them. He stared at her chest rising and falling as he inched himself dangerously closer. He knew however, that she wasn't paying him any mind. He tilted his head, daring to peek down her tank top and smiled unconsciously at her soft breasts pressed together. He watched her touch her own neck, stroking the flesh as she lost the delicious food to her stomach. Gorram…he wanted to be a strawberry more than life itself at the moment.

He indulged in the view for a little longer then he should, enjoying the way she licked her lips, touched her own soft skin and breathed as raggedly as he was. He had to go though, she was chewing on the last bit of fruit and nibbled her last bite of chocolate, and although he loved the sounds she was making, he had some business to take care of in his bunk. He didn't think for a second it would be that difficult, what with her moans still freshly ringing between his ears. Her every pleasure filled whimper drove his skin to crawling and his body to tensing, it was almost unnatural.

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Simon took a deep breathe, his hands a little uneasy as he weaved them together. He let his eyes stay on the table; he didn't want to look at her right then

"We started out with the best of intentions." Came Kaylee's soft voice, a rehearsal to her words. Her sweet brown eyes glistened a little. "But I can't continue like this…"

"Like…what?" Simon asked a twinge of hurt creeping into his voice.

"I'm living in a constant state of want. Always wantin' more than you can give." She let her eyes fall closed and her head hung a little. "I feel…like I'm fightin' for your attention and your fightin' for privacy."

Simon bit his lip. "Are you bitter?" his question was not angry as she had expected.

Kaylee shook her head. "I just know that your little sister…will always mean more to you. She will be first. She will always come first. I'm just tried of comin' in second."

Simon opened his mouth to say something in protest; however, he had no words.

"I'm not mad; I just can't keep this up. I should move on, can't do it with ya still so shiny and occasionally loving on me like you do." She had almost a pleading quality to her voice, something that Simon couldn't dismiss.

The educated man let a small smile pass over his face, only laden with sad eyes. His larger hands reached over and took hers. "You think this is for the best?"

Kaylee took a deep breathe, she could feel his warmth spreading into her from his hands, she wanted to leap across the table and kiss him. She let her eyelids flicker and her deep brown eyes catch his clean blue ones. "Yes" She finally whispered.

"I do too." He admitted.

The words felt like a door slamming, or a hammer driving a nail into place. He didn't want to fight for her none. Wouldn't fight, and the saddest part was Kaylee knew he wouldn't. The room seemed to echo their sorrow. Despite wanting the other to understand, each felt a deep hurt as they both gave up. "Your…still a special girl little Kaylee. I will always care for you."

"Just shiny doc, I'd love to be yer friend." She said with a large smile that did seem to slightly reach her eyes.

Simon's lips twisted into a tiny but genuine smile, there was a long moment. Nothing was said. Both sat still across from the table, avoiding one another's gaze. Eventually Simon stood; he took one step away but hesitated. "I…I tried Kaylee." Came his tender but defeated voice. "I really did you know." He just wanted her to know.

Kaylee let her open fingers trail along the wooden table top before looking up at the doctor. She stared at his smooth dark hair and the bare edge of his sweet face that wasn't looking at her. "I know Simon."

She watched him go, listening to his polished shoes on Serenity's metal walkway. She traced a few scratched in the hard wood, letting time flow over her. She breathed, listening to the hum of the engine, letting the sadness sink into her heart.

Serenity would flow inside her like a wave of calm warmth, and that was what she needed now. Sweet strength curling into her like a bottle that was waiting to be filled, she closed her eyes and remembered what it felt like to have him hold her, kiss her. She concentrated on the warm spot on her hand where he hand held the flesh. She cleared her mind of everything but that remaining bit of human contact.

Kaylee just wanted to be loved.

Simon couldn't give that to her any longer.

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Mal stared into the blackness of space. Alone for the moment with his girl. His ship. Serenity. It was alive to him, a member of his crew, as flesh to him as Kaylee, Zoe Wash, or ….

Wash.

His heart stopped for a moment. That man was an integral part of his girl. Serenity and Wash were connected like no other pilot Mal had known. Kaylee was Serenity's heart, Jayne the Ego, while Zoe presented a strong moral compass. Wash was the spirit. The life of Serenity could not be replaced. The ship seemed to miss him, the way he drove her into spirals for fun. The way he knew how she should move. He never fought her, he steered her, helped her; helped them all. He was as irreplaceable as all the other additions. Simon become Serenity's Medic, took care of the crew and in turn serenity took care of him. River felt the ship, moved with the ship. River was her only friend. Book grew to be a source of guidance. Inara…as beautiful as all the stars in the 'verse.

Hair as black as the reaches of space. Skilled. Intelligent. Stubborn. Smart. More than a handful for any man. She could have been anything she wanted. She could have done wonderful things and yet she chose to be a glorified whore. He would never understand her.

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Deep brown hair, sweet blue eyes, as strong as his unmovable will. He was more than a handful for any woman. He could have been anything he wanted. He could have done wonderful things and yet he chose to be a petty thief. She would never understand him.

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Kaylee nursed the drinking glass between her fingers staring sadly out into the all but empty cargo bay. Eventually she lifted the clear vessel to her lips and let the stinging alcohol flow down her throat. She heard heavy footsteps behind her but didn't care enough to turn around.

Jayne's heavy body plopped next to her in an unceremonial fashion. He grabbed the bottle of home made brew and silently sipped it next to her. He filled her glass when it was empty and waited till she hand a good smile on her face before asking. "Fighting with the doc again?"

Kaylee let out a long sigh as she stared into the bottom of her glass. "Nope." She took a fast gulp and let her head hang back. "We're in agree-ance and that's the scary part."

Jayne let out a deep chuckle and refilled the mechanics glass. "You both agree he's a gorram pain in the ass piece of shit?"

Kaylee laughed; a shuddering bone chilling eruption that didn't sound in any way natural. Her shoulders shook and her hair stuck to the tears on her face. Jayne took her glass with his free hand and knocked the solution to the back of his own throat. "You've had enough little Kaylee."

"NO!" She snapped, her hand surprisingly strong as she ripped the bottle from Jayne's hand. Her eyes were filled with dangerous fire. She gulped down another mouthful. "This is my gorram drink, my gorram body and I can do with it whatever I gorram like." She was far beyond caring and it was obvious to Jayne she wanted it that way. The cheerful light was broken, in a moment he saw and realized the heart of serenity had been broken.

The large man reached out and put an arm around the smaller girl. "Kaylee…you ain't gonna do no one no good huggin' your shitter in the morn. Simon ain't worth all this fuss ya know."

She pushed back at his. "You shut your gorram mouth Jayne." She hurled the bottle at him violently, but the much more sober man caught the heavy glass easily. "Simon was best thing ever com' my way, he ain't nothing like the space trash on this boat. Ain't no lying, whoring son of a gorram money shit, who would sell his own mother for a drink, a gun, a bitch, or a bit of silver."

She didn't have the mind to sensor her words, she stumbled and her face made a beeline for the floor. She didn't even think, or remember what she had said as Jayne's strong, warm arms circled her and caught her before she hit the metal grating. She let herself fall into the black fuzz pulling her down and left Jayne alone. Alone in the cargo bay with only the shell of Kaylee in his arms, and her words echoing in the cold air.

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Mal frowned down at the little girl. "No" he said again, this time more firmly. "You ain't settin' foot off this boat, not here, we got enemies I don't want gettin' hold a your pretty little head over no whats-a-ma thingy, now just sit back and we'll get it on the next port. Kaylee, don't you even think of leaving this boat without a baby sitter."

Normally the mechanics lip would have popped out in a pout, she would whine some and maybe Mal would give in. There was no argument. The girl just gave in, gave up. The game was over. Her eyes died, no light left in them as she was turned down again. She walked out of the kitchen with her head hung low, disappearing into the engine room without a word. She probably wouldn't even ask again…"What's wrong with her?"

Inara was the first person he looked at naturally, but she just gave a shrug. "I can try to find out…" The companion gave a slight bow of her head as she left the room, floating for a moment across the steps.

Jayne just itched to say something, his eyes burrowed deep into the doctor that sat on the other side of the table. The core boy seemed oblivious and there was nothing that Jayne could do but speak up, something wouldn't let him. Maybe it was a sense of confidentiality, or privacy, or respect for things that were said when a girl was broken hearted and drunk out of her mind. He held his tongue for the moment, his mind competing with itself on whether or not to speak. River answered the dilemma for him.

"Jayne knows." Came that all omnipotent innocent voice, she talked in somewhat a singsong voice, not saying anymore than needed to make the correct choice for the mercenary.

Mal's hard blue eyes looked straight into the thug of a man, challenging him and demanding the answer, but for Jayne to say, Mal had to command it. "Spill it Jayne, what you know 'bout what's botherin' little Kaylee?"

"You should ask her that yourself." Jayne said shifting in his seat under the Captain's glare.

"I'm askin' you Jayne. Now talk or we might have some trouble." Mal's voice was threatening and deliberate.

Jayne shifted uncomfortably. "She's been little upset is all. Hadn't said nothin' too specific, just know it's about Mr. Shiny Pants over here." The mercenary jerked his head up toward the doctor who spooned his breakfast into his mouth without a word.

Mal's arms tightly wound over his chest as he scowled at the doctor. "What now?"

Simon gulped. "I don't see why she's upset." The man didn't lift his eyes from his protein, a lethargic movement to his fingertips. "She broke up with me, after all, not the other way around."

River shook her head a little, stealing a crumbly bit off Simon's biscut. "Your such a loser." She said, "You pushed her, forced her hand by ignoring her and bugging me too much."

Simon frowned, "That's enough River."

Zoe spoke from the doorway, her hands on her hips, "You two on good terms still?"

The man shrugged. "I thought so, yes."

"Then you keep talking to her. Be extra kind." The second in command glanced at Mal and then back to Simon with a knowing look.

"That is if you can do that without messing up." Mal said for her, allowing himself to bring the amusement to a vocal place.

River smiled and Simon rolled his eyes. "Very funny."

Zoe nodded. "Just let her know you ain't ignorin' her is all. She held a torch for you a mightly long time, gonna take time to readjust." Zoe felt her words echo from a place very deep inside her.

"She broke up with me!" Simon whined, looked to the Captain to make Zoe mind her own business. When there was silence he came to his own defense. "She seems to be making a fine art out of ignoring me. Am I supposed to hunt her down."

Mal rolled his eyes. "Do you need a dog? We got Jayne here."

The mercenary drew his face an innocent expression and peered up at Mal pretending to be hurt. "Hey!"

Simon shoved another mouthful of food into himself, knowing this battle was long lost. Mal turned in the doorway and glared down at him. "You broke my mechanic, you gotta fix her, dong ma?"

The Captain waited for an answer, forcing Simon to nod before he would leave the room.

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Inara felt when she wasn't welcome. It was like the room was so cold it prevented anything from moving. She felt like Kaylee was barely breathing. "Simon can't be all that is troubling you…please talk to me meimei."

Kaylee caught the last word, she latched onto it like a moth to the flame. She looked up at the engine as it turned. "Do you think I'm pretty 'Nara."

"Of course I do," She whispered, reaching out to stroke Kaylee's hair behind her ear. The touch was affectionate and Kaylee welcomed it. The girl leaned onto Inara's shoulder and let herself cry. Tears feel down her face, her shoulders shook. She just cried, without saying anything, sobbed on Inara's shoulder, something she had to do.

Simon stood in the hallway behind them, he stared at the mechanics back, watching her shake and shiver, he took a step forward and although Kaylee didn't heat it over her sobs, Inara did. The girl looked back with a hate in her eyes. The companion didn't have an overwhelming dislike for the doctor, but at the moment she didn't dare let him make the mistake of thinking he was invited here. She looked at him with the most intense stare that knocked him backward a step again. It told him to leave in not so many words, and let him hear the pain through Kaylee's tiny sounds. They echoed inside his chest and made him want to throw up his freshly eaten breakfast.

Rivers voice came in a whisper next to his ear. "Look at what you've done, Simon. Don't think it isn't your fault. You have to fix what you've broken . . . but you can't do it now."

Simon looked down at his sister. He felt so alone, even his sister blamed him for hurting Kaylee. But she…had broken up with him…

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Kaylee didn't even remember how she got into Inara's shuttle, she just remembered crying the entire time, someone carrying her. The older woman stroked her hair and dried her face with the softest cotton towels. The companion was singing softly when she finally couldn't cry anymore. Her tender voice echoed in the small shuttle, moving like the wind through the hanging fabric.

"_When I was just a little girl, I asked my mother, What will I be_

_Will I be pretty, Will I be rich, Here's what she said to me_

_Que sera, sera,Whatever will be, will be, The future's not ours to see_

_Que sera, sera, What will be, will be,_

_When I grew up and fell in love, I asked my sweetheart, What lies ahead_

_Will we have rainbows, Day after day, Here's what my sweetheart said_

_Que sera, sera, Whatever will be, will be, The future's not ours to see_

_Que sera, sera, What will be, will be,_

_Now I have Children of my own, They ask their mother, What will I be_

_Will I be handsome, Will I be rich, I tell them tenderly_

_Que sera, sera, Whatever will be, will be, The future's not ours to see_

_Que sera, sera, What will be, will be, Que Sera, Sera"_

Silence ensued, the calm, the storm was done, the whirlwind of emotion of dwindling and Kaylee had control again. "I've never heard that before…"

"It is…very old." Replied the classically trained woman as she gently slid Kaylee's hair off her face. "How do you feel?"

Avoiding the question she didn't want to ask herself Kaylee looked up at the ceiling. "Do you believe it…"

"Yes. Whatever Will be…Will be."

Tears welled in her eyes. "We can change it though, if we try hard enough."

Inara shook her head. "That's not what it's about… We can't change what will come our way, we can't see into the future, can't know what is coming. We must take what comes our way, life, death, or both. We must take the gift of happiness as well as that of pain. We cannot throw out what we don't like. You will never know what lies ahead, and we should not try."

Kaylee wanted to listen to that soothing voice talk forever. Wanted to listen to it lull her to sleep. "So we should give up…do nothing…"

"No." The tenderly manicured fingers tips slid up Kaylee's head. "No, we cannot change the world, or other people. We cannot make things undo themselves. We must…accept it."

"What will be…will be." Kaylee whispered letting her eyes drift down.

"Why didn't you tell me, you broke up with Simon." Inara asked softly, trying her mightiest to keep any hurt out of her voice.

"I couldn't…I didn't…want …I …I wanted him to say no, to fight me, I wanted so much for him to promise to do better, yet he just gave in 'nara. He just threw in the towel, he didn't …I…I'm not worth it to him." She felt like she would cry if there was a drop of water left insider her.

"Whatever will be …will be…accept it, and look ahead, to what will come next The sun will set today, and rise again tomorrow, when it does, you don't have to let this hold you." Inara whispered kissing the girls forehead.

"'nara…"

"Yes?"

"Will you sing it again?"

"Of course."

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Mal found himself starring down the barrel of a gun, his hands raised into the air and not for the fist time he heard a little voice in the back of his head asking himself were his gorram crew was.

The overwhelming sound of a shotgun cocking echoed in the small room. As Zoe stood tall in the doorway behind him. "A little late don't you think Zoe."

"Sorry Sir." She said looking down the site at the unseemly character holding a gun to her Captain. "Better late than never wouldn't you say?"

Jayne's gruff laugh followed the sound of his own gun cocking from behind the mark as he smiled and let himself be known. "I'd say any later and it would be never."

Mal cocked an eyebrow and let that slide for a moment before reaching out and grabbing the small bag of gold from the surprised party's belt. "Well Lore, would have to say it's a pleasure bein' double crossed by ya, hope to do business 'gain some time." A small bow and they were gone, leaving Lore without a frown larger than the entire little planet he was stuck on.

They walked quickly, quite close to a run as they approached Serenity. Jayne's mind haunted a little by Inara's words.

"_Mal, can I have your help for a moment. I need something for you to carry."_

_The Captain looked in either direction before nodding to Jayne. "Help her out, we'll meet up with you in town."_

_Inara's voice was boarderline snippy. "Mal…I asked for your help."_

_The man's sweet blue eyes blinked. "Jayne's all the help I can spare…You want Zoe too?"_

"_No…forget it…thank you for your help Jayne." Inara couldn't keep the snide out of her voice. She lead him through the kitchen to the engine room where Kaylee cried. She was far worse than Jayne had ever seen, curled against the wall, sobbing, weak and small. He looked at Inara with a tenderly destroyed face. This wasn't what he was good for, he felt so out of place and in the wrong. He couldn't help a girl that was crying, he didn't know what to do. _

"_She's okay, she just needs to cry, and it would be better for her if it were more private. If you dare make fun of her for this or bring it up to her I will shoot you myself." _

_Jayne lifted the mechanic with a delicate touch, she leaned against him and he felt her wet face through his shirt. He let his thumb rub back and forth on her arm. He felt the natural urge to cradle her, only after pushing down the urge to gut the doctor with a spoon. He set her down in Inara's bed, looking at her tightly closed eyes with deep concern. _

_He looked at Inara with shock and sadness, unable to hide his utter helplessness. "I knew she was bent outta shape over the doc…but…this seems like she's shot er somthin…" Jayne whispered, something in him desperately wanting to understand. _

_The gentle companion put a hand on his arm and guided him out. She looked up at him and then back to Kaylee as she spoke. "She just got her heart broken…she'll cry for a while, let it all out and be fine. It is very similar to getting shot Jayne, she has to dig out the bullet so the wound can heal…It hurts a great deal but it's better in the long run. Once she cries all the pain out, she'll be right as rain."_

"_Doc's pretty fucked up to do a thing like that …" Jayne whispered, venom anger in his voice. _

"_Just the way it is Jayne. Thank you…and please…" Inara was interrupted before she could finish._

"_Not a word, on my mother's grave." He swore, crossing his heart with one finger._

"_Jayne…your mother's alive…"_

He was haunted by the feeling of her in his arms, the feeling of her sobbing against him. That was something that hurt him more than any wound he had every felt. Why did he care so much that the girl was crying like a baby? Women were foolish creatures, letting a man hurt um' that bad. Sex wasn't 'bout nothing but pleasure, going at it and feeling good. Sex didn't make you cry, sex didn't make you care. Jayne didn't want to care.

He realized he was walking faster than Zoe and the Captain, hurrying to get back to the ship but he wouldn't admit to himself for what reason. He wanted to make sure she was okay…wanted to see her smile. At that moment he'd trade all the money in the verse to see her smile and hug him, not sob while leaning in his arms. The image still haunted him…might even give him nightmares, but at least in his dreams he could take a nine iron to the doc's precious brain.

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Simon looked down the stairs and hesitated. He knew she was there, fixing something in an access panel outside his infirmary, but he didn't want to pass by her. Zoe had said to talk to her, but she …she didn't want to talk to him, he just knew it. He watched her from the dark for a moment. He pulled together enough courage to walk down the stairs.

"Good evening." Simon said with a little awkward smile.

Kaylee swung her head around and smiled at the man. "'night!" She seemed fine…spunky and spirited as always. "Hear from Serenity you've been having temperature control problems down here?"

"That's right.." Simon replied, about to ask her something more serious before he was interrupted.

"Well it should be all a go now." Kaylee said with a small smile. She stepped down off the small ladder and smiled at him gently, normally.

But Simon's guilt wasn't gone yet. "Kaylee…I…"

"I get it, you don't have to say…I hadn't let go yet…now I have…promise, everything'll be alright…"

Simon didn't seem convinced. "Kaylee…do you want some help, makin' dinner?"

Kaylee shook her head. "Thanks, but no thanks…I'm making my favorite whether the crew likes it or not."

"Alright…" He seemed uncomfortable, he wanted to get to work, but he was supposed to be…nice. Problem was, he really didn't know how to be to Kaylee.

The brunette smiled and let her soft hand pat his shoulder with a friendly touch. "Captain and Zoe should be 'bout back by now. How many bullet wounds you think they got?"

"None?" Simon answered hopefully.

"Awww come on doc, that makes the game no fun" Kaylee said with a giggle, they walked toward the cargo bay to meet the rest of the Crew. "Big deal, shady contact, come on, you've been with us long enough to know something will go wrong."

"Mal…will defiantly be shot…Zoe will have nothing more than a graze if anything, and Jayne will have a strange wound?" Simon said, a little fast, making Kaylee wonder if he played this game often.

"Strange?" Kaylee asked.

"You know, shot through the leg with a wooden spear, or doped up and drooling."

Kaylee couldn't stop herself from laughing.

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Jayne didn't stay in the cargo bay long, he grumbled something about being in his bunk and walked off immediately. Kaylee and Simon rounded the comer on the stairs and Jayne made sure his shoulder slammed into the doctors as they passed one another. Kaylee smiled and changed her concentration. "Didn't happen to get hurt in any mysterious but fun ways did ya?" She asked with a quipy cheer that Jayne didn't expect her to have. Jayne didn't look around. He didn't care, he didn't know why he did it really, he just grabbed her and kissed her with every bit of force he had in his body. He to protect her, wanted to hold her and for some reason, seeing her right as rain and walking around with a smile made him overjoyed. He knew as soon as his lips touched Kaylees there was someone in the room, but he also knew he was far beyond the point of stopping. He just threw himself all in, crushing his lips against her's in a touch he craved and in his moment of insanity he remembered her words. Her drunk and truthful words. Jayne wasn't good enough for her, but he took the kiss anyways.

Kaylee had tensed in surprise her eyes wide, but they closed and she let Jayne kiss her, pinned between his hard body and his arms. She didn't say a thing, but neither did he. He broke the kiss as soon as he could force himself too and kept walking. He wanted to glance back but he didn't

_WHY IN THE GORRAM VERSE HAD HE DONE THAT?!_

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"Next stop is close, we'll be there by morning." Mal said as he picked up another tomato between his chopsticks and brought it to his mouth. He looked around the table a little before speaking again. "Where…is all my crew."

Simon looked up and around the table, He looked at the empty seat next to him. "River is flying, Jayne's been in his bunk all evening, Kaylee said she wanted to eat in the engine room, and Zoe…I don't know…probably in her bunk or something."

Mal looked around the room. "Something is wrong with this."

"Why is that?" Inara asked as she gracefully stepped into the room. "Sometimes people just want to eat alone."

"Well this is my ship and I say we eat together." Snapped the Captain.

Inara sat down at the table very gracefully. "Mal I have to ask you a question later."

Mal rolled his eyes. "Just say it here Inara, we're practically alone."

The sweet woman picked up her chopsticks, and that is when Simon saw the ring. The shimmering opal in a white gold setting, the swirling metal, was thin and delicate on her finger, but as beautiful as Inara herself. He began to think then, and ignored most of the oncoming conversation. That meant something…didn't it?

Inara spoke and then Mal, they talked back and forth and Simon wasn't paying attention until both of them stood up, anger in their faces. Simon…missed something, but not anything as important as what Mal missed. The only word the doctor heard, was the only one that mattered. "…whore…"

The scene moved almost in slow motion, her left hand, bearing the very stunning ring lifted to Mal's face and slapped him. A trained companion was forced to loose her cool and strike the mouth of a stupid man. "Don't you ever call me that again, or I _will _do worse things to you." The threat was somewhat empty, but Mal was still reeling from the slap. He did not expect that from her, at least she had never done it before.

He stumbled back a little bit, falling back into his seat. He looked around the room but the woman was gone. "What in hell just happened?" He meant to ask himself, but it had come out allowed.

Simon cleared his throat and looked at Mal with slightly widened eyes. "That ring sure stung, didn't it…"

"Ring?" Mal asked with a blink. "I guess…"

"Did you even notice the ring?" Simon asked calmly, the knowledge of holding something over Mal was thick in the air and it made the Captain uncomfortable.

"No…just a ring…right?"

"Not exactly. Companions are a complicated guild you know, there are those who do what Inara once did, but when they earn their way enough, or petition, they can become isolated escorts." Simon explained, hoping Mal would understand.

No such luck. "What?"

"You called her a whore. That ring she wears is a giant neon sign that says she is no longer offering that particular service to her clients. She is an escort, a companion, for an evening, not and entire night, if you know what I mean." Simon was having difficulty remaining a gentleman in this conversation.

Although Mal understood he just looked confused and defensive. "She didn't say nothin' how was I supposed to know."

Simon rolled his eyes. "She had a ring on her left ring finger, that, usually denotes devotion and unavailability. Is that different on the edge of space?"

Mal just grabbed his plate. "I'm gonna go eat in my bunk." He stormed out of the kitchen without another word, he didn't wanna look that know it all in the face at the moment. He walked into the Cockpit and looked directly at River. "I need to yell at someone. Give me someone who deserves yellin and tell me why."

The young girl looked up at the Captain with a gentle smile and a tilt of her head. "You want to know a secret?"

"Yes. Now tell me before I start yelling at you." Mal growled.

"Jayne kissed Kaylee. Kaylee didn't even know it was coming." River answered her voice steady, offering no more information then that.

Although Jayne had kissed Kaylee without invitation, he wasn't pushed away. Mal was angry, clouded, didn't think of that possibility. The only thing he could think of was Jayne being a horny son of a bitch and trying to take advantage of his mechanic.

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"WHAT THE GORRAM HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING KISSIN' MY MECHANIC." Mal's voice boomed at Jayne.

The mercenary just about jumped out of his boots at the Captain's voice. He was all yellin' and didn't seem to be stoppin' anytime soon. The man was using the stairs of the cargo bay to his advantage and knowing there was no one close let him yell to the world his anger. Poor Jayne didn't know it really wasn't for him.

The tall thug just stood and listened to the Captain rant about taking advantage of a girl like that. He scolded, yelled, and grit his teeth together. Leaning in Mal growled. "Stay away from her. She don't come to you, then you don't even talk to her. Dong ma?" He had gotten so close that Jayne had backed his way up to the wall by now.

"Yes…sir" Jayne chocked out, expecting this was the time he was supposed to answer.

Mal growled. "I don't know what your thinking Jayne."

Jayne watched the Captain stop away. He wasn't quite himself. Captain never really got that mad, and never really lost his sense of humor. There was no jokes in that scolding. There were insults enough, but not the light hearted ones Jayne was used to. Jayne felt ready to pick a fight, but unlike the Captain he didn't have the luxury of being able to lord over anyone on the ship he wanted. The mercenary settled for exercising. If he tried real hard, he could forget about all the moody people on this gorram ship.

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Kaylee sighed gently, leaned against the all of a quiet hallway. She felt confined, she felt trapped, She closed her eyes and tried to expand the ship around her. She thought of mountains and grass, streets and buildings. There could be an entire world in her head if she just imagined. It failed however, when she found herself going to Jayne's lips on her's. He was substantially larger than her and when he held her the sensation enveloped her physically. He kissed with a burning passion that called for many long breaths just to catch up. She had felt him push her lips so hard it almost hurt against her teeth.

She hadn't had a kiss like that in a very long time. Just like a brush of wind he left. No words, no embrace, lasting less than a minuet and then…gone. He seemed just the same at breakfast before he, Zoe and Mal went into town.

Kaylee was the one who wasn't the same no more. She has a fire ablaze up inside her, questions popping into her head. She couldn't ask Jayne, he wasn't here, and suddenly Serenity just seemed so small. The world that cradled her safely felt like strangulation. Sky was right outside, real circulating air, and she wasn't allowed out without a babysitter.

The small girl picked herself up and swayed on her feet. She rung her fingers and she paced before heading to the cargo bay. The room seemed practically claustrophobic, even though Simon and Inara were the only one's there. She quickly rattled down the stairs. Her feet moved like she was rushing although she had no where to go.

Inara smiled sweetly at the young mechanic, she pat the metal platform next to her and nodded in invitation.

"Thanks" Kaylee said plopping down unceremonially. Some where in her memory, in this same place, she remembered Jayne sitting the same way. She shook her head to evict that image as she sat swinging her feet.

Her hands kept moving, her fingers and hands rolling over themselves. She heard the two next to her talking, they always used such full sentences and proper English. She wasn't really paying attention anyways. She peered a Jayne's workout bench, remembering what he looked like. He was very strong, muscles made for moving weight, not for just show. Simon had lithe athletic muscles of a well kept man, but Jayne, he could be powerful and he could grab her and throw her to the floor and- HEY! What was she thinking about? Jayne? Why did he kiss her? What was he thinking?

"KAYLEE!" Came Inara's voice, high and loud in the mechanics ear.

"Huh?" Kaylee's brown hair bounced as she jumped and looked at the woman beside her. "What?"

"I was talking to you and you didn't seem to be listening at all." Inara said with a concerned look. "Would you like to talk?"

Kaylee faltered a little, not wanting to tell Inara everything she had in mine. "I'm all antsy is all. Think bout it 'nara, were finally sittin' on solid land and I can't go planet side without an 'baby sitter'. I'm just itching to walk around, feeling so closed up all a sudden."

Inara lifted an eyebrow at the girl. "Kaylee, the entire time I've known you, I've never seen you appear so claustrophobic toward Serenity."

Kaylee coughed, running her hand through her swaying brown hair. Today it was brushed and clean. Her face was clean and so was her hands. She has washed, maybe several times, her hand nervously stroked the teddy bear patch on her leg.

"Well Kaylee, I'm a professional. I'm sure I would qualify to take you out for a little while."

"Really?" Kaylee quipped with excitement audible on the word.

"Of course." She said standing. "Let me change into something a little more comfortable for walking around. I'll be back momentarily."

The beautiful woman disappeared for a moment. Simon looked at Kaylee with concern deep in his expression. "Be careful okay?" His words were simple but filled with concern.

Kaylee shrugged. "Be back before you can spit, which considering it's you would give us just about a lifetime."

Simon laughed a little and shook his head at the girl. She couldn't be tamed.

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Inara walked with a certain amount of grace and planned action to her. Her head was held tall and her back perfectly straight. Kaylee on the other hand had natural bit of a slouch to her and walked in an almost irregular skipping fashion. The brunette was simply overjoyed to see the sky and smell the humid breeze.

It felt like such a short time to cross the town and walk around the square. They moved with the soft giggle of school girls. They went into every small shop and down every sprouting street. Hut like homes and stands welcomed them to look at the wears of the people. Kaylee turned countless metal objects in her hand, telling Inara what they did, and what kind of machine they were for.

Inara was paying attention. Really, she was interested in what Kaylee was saying but something caught her attention. It was a deep familiar whirling sound behind her on the main street. When she turned to look she saw just a glimpse as they passed by. A brief moment of Mal's brown coat flapping in the wind and Zoe's curled hair whipping behind them. "Kaylee, we have to go now."

"Awww," Whined the younger girl, "just a bit longer 'nara, ain't seen a good hunk a parts in a while." The sweetness in Kaylee's innocent voice normally would have won but the realization that Mal was gonna get back to his ship missing both of them made her stiffen. There would be dues to pay for this. Inara held her voice firm.

"We've already been out to long, it's time to go." Inara pulled on Kaylee's hand lightly, guiding her back into the streets.

The mechanic caught a glimpse of the mule, rounding the corner far ahead of them the dust kicked up behind it seemed to roll down and smack the girl in the chest. "Think Mal's gonna be mad at us?"

Inara tried to remain calm; she moved her feet faster but kept her demeanor steady. "Not if we get back before he has a chance to leave without us." She felt a man following them, a culmination of intuition and observation but she didn't want to scare Kaylee.

The wide brown eyes on Kaylee's face made her feet go faster. She made a point to go just as fast as the companion. The town seemed larger, longer than when they had walked away from Serenity. The ship seemed so far away now, a beacon of safety. Dust and fear climbed up Kaylee's spine like a spider with tiny pin pricks of sensation. She glances back for a moment and felt her heart beat heavily.

Even her glance was too long looking back. She walked toward the ship but couldn't get the man out of her head. He was weaselly and tall, thin and frail looking. His long nose even seemed to be ominously jutting from his face. He has a crisp white shirt and clean Khaki pants. He held no gun, yet oozed danger. She kept walking, kept going, hoping the sinking terrible feeling inside her was wrong.

Inara's arm jutted out and stopped the smaller girl with force. She glanced back, the man stood with an eerie smile, and when she looked back in front of them, three large men had stepped into place. The companion drew a deep breath and stood her ground. They had guns on their hips, hair and face covered with dirt. The one to the left spoke. "Fancy meetin' you two here, lovely ladies like yourselves be needin' escorts, we be glad to show you back to a nice place." His voice was deep and harsh. Their eyes promising pain if they didn't corporate.

Inara's eyes drew a little tight. "Do you know who I am little man?" She looked ready to explode, but she didn't not when the man behind them rustled, his high voice echoing in their ears as he spoke. "Inara Serra. And Kaywinnit Lee Frye"

Inara gulped as the muscular man grabbed her arm and she felt him pull her. "What a lovely surprise to see you in our little boarder town…"

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Mal frowned at Simon, more like a scowl really. His eye ground holes into the slightly shorter man, his body tense. It had been hours, and the doc swore they would be back any minute, "My mechanic ain't back by nightfall in one piece…I've got an airlock with your name on it."

River's voice seemed almost chocked. "They aren't coming back, they can't." Mal's scowl fell to concern and Zoe stood up with white knuckled determination. Jayne looked at the physic girl, he didn't mean to frighten the little one, but his mind filled with violence.

The young girl's face twisted in sudden disgust. Her head filled with terrible thoughts, including kissing Kaylee. . . again. She shook it away as quickly as possible focusing on the intense emotion she was feeling. She looked up at Mal with a look sickeningly familiar.

"I'm sorry." She closed her eyes and griped the table. "Smells like sick, broken and bloody. Pain for death again and again. Bullet in the brainpan, squish, end it before it starts again."

Simon grabbed River's shoulder with more roughness than he intended. He pulled her face to his. "Inara and Kaylee. Are they alright?"

She tilted her head. "Strangers are angry, hallow, Inara's strong, but they intend to kill them. Kaylee is very afra—" She was cut off suddenly as she took a deep breathe with eyes wide open. She looked straight at Zoe, wanting to say something, but unable to. "Bring death, face death, or be death. Choices …Choices."

She shivered and griped Simon's arms. "Rats in cages without bars, mercy of a dead man, missing …" She felt suddenly dizzy and grabbed her brother tighter, falling into him. She breathed harder, irregular. "Too many….can't listen anymore." She pushed against him and pushed the thoughts away, cleared her head of all the feelings that didn't belong to her.

Jayne looked at Mal with his usual harsh insistence. He was waiting, not very patiently for an order to get some weapons. Zoe checked her shot gun, popping the barrel closed with a flick of the wrist. "Think they are after us Captain?"

"Yep," Mal replied, "Don't wanna disappoint…"

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Inara's knees felt the ground rush up to meet her as the thug behind her pushed her down violently. He yanked her hair and took a deep breath, inhaling her scent with a animal like leer.

"Now, to lure Mr. Reynolds, we'll need something to let him know we have you."

The weaselly man held up a pair of sharp claw like scissors. He bend down in front of Kaylee, gently taking her hand in his. Kaylee shook with fear, unable to stop it. The large man behind her held her very tight, despite her struggling the thin man kissed her hand and whispered softly. "Such pretty fingers…"

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Mal, Zoe and Jayne stood ready, armed to the teeth while Simon paced. "Why take River?" He said worried. "Kaylee and Inara are already in danger, River could be no use if she had a fit."

The Captain loaded his gun and slid it into his holster, the last of his mental checklist. "Your sister might be able to find them, before they get killed like she says they are gonna."

Simon looked warily at River as she stepped down the boxes of the cargo bay. "Simon, you're such a boob" she said looking at mal with her head tilted. "May I have a gun?"

The brown haired man lifted an eyebrow. "You gonna need it?"

The physic girl waited, staring at him as if checking her memory slowly. "Yes"

"You can ask when the time comes than." Mal said dismissively as he looked at Simon. "now you gotta keep Serenity hidden and keep out intruders. You see anyone on my boat…you shoot them, dong ma?"

"Yes sir. Does that include you, for shooting I mean…?" Simon's smart ass voice granted him only a scowl from the Captain.

"Zoe with me," Mal commanded as they walked down Serenity's bay ramp. "River you stay out of fire, less you feel like helping, and Jayne stay behind her, Keep an eye on our tail."

Jayne hung back, keeping his ears, eyes, and nose sensitive. They went through the dark town systematically. They walked with efficiency and clear objectives. River seemed to wander a bit as if shopping at all the closed stores, she seemed to browse the cleared display shelves and turn imaginary objects in her hands.

It started as footsteps, a little more than theirs, than breathing. Jayne slid up to Mal and whispered lowly. "Got some company, Three. Not Quiet, but big."

Zoe concentrated on the sounds. She heard them too, barely but definably, on their tails. "Sir, the only reason to follow us without pouncing, would be to heard us. I believe we're on the right track."

River stopped suddenly and peered down and alley. Shivers danced across her skin. She lifted an arm and pointed. "Found you." She smiled wide. "Nothing in the 'verse can stop me."

Mal drew his gun as the bushes rustled. They were going to have to fight there way in.

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"STOP!" Inara yelled, trying to keep the panic out of her voice, she had to think, appeal to him or he'll never leave Kaylee unharmed. "You can't cut off her fingers, if you want Mal to come after her that is." Inara let the bait of her words sink in before continuing, "She's a mechanic, and she needs everyone of those digits in tact to be of any use to the Captain. He'll just leave her for dead if you do that."

The man leaned back, his tall frame lacked intimidation because of it's skinny size but he held himself very seriously. Inara could see he would have no hesitation in killing them. He laughed a little at her comment, his assistant also chuckling with humor. There was something Inara was missing.

The man reached out and touched Kaylee's face, a delicate but creepy movement. The girl attempted to shy away but the man behind her held her still. "Up" commanded the eerie master. Kaylee was wrenched onto her feet and held tight as the thin fingers creped down her side. She felt her hear race, she felt fear pile inside her. His fingers passed her hip and slowly traveled to the teddy bear patch on her pants. He ripped it off with one clean motion. He held it in his hand turning it over slowly before peering at Kaylee.

"Distinctive, this will do. Take her away."

Inara watched the terrified innocent girl be forced to her feet and taken out. She held her breath and kept away a wince as the man behind her yanked her hair again.

The tall skinny man held out his lonely hands to Inara's. "And why should I spare a companions artful fingers?"

Inara opened her mouth to speak but instead the boney hand coiled into a fist and slammed into her face. She hadn't said a word and yet, her lip was split open. The man leaned close and used the patch from Kaylee's clothes to wipe away the blood. Inara's eyes narrowed and held a never-ending stream of hate, but her face remained the picture of calm. The boney fingers leaned forward with the sharp scissors slicing though her beautiful hair. It was only hair, it would grow back. "Get her outta here." The man commanded with a wave.

Kaylee moved her feet along the ground in a resistant way, dragging and pushing rather than walking. The man held her firm, but her wiggling was at least making her feel less helpless.

What happened next should have been her chance to get free, but it shocked her beyond comprehension. As the man dragged her unwillingly around a corner she was greeted by a crossing movement. A blur of flesh and hair streamed into her vision and hit the man the overpowered her. She was suddenly let go and she fell to the ground. "Run!" echoed in her ears as she was released.

Kaylee saw his face and couldn't run, she didn't have the courage to leave a friend behind and more than that, she was too stunned at seeing Wash; alive.

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	2. In The Flesh

**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters, I don't own Firefly or Serenity, I don't own my house, I don't own my car, I don't own my pants. Where…are my pants? Where…is my car…? Oh shit..not again…SAFFRON!

**Warning: **Sexual Content…I repeat _graphic _Sexual Content. There will be scenes and they will probably be graphic. Lemons and Limes are my kind of fruit, and if you ain't cool with that turn around now. Now on a different note, there is a little splash of torture, and a little dash of action, lot of blood, and a little gore zested on top for garnish. Read at your own risk

The XXX XXX XXX XXX XXX XXX denotes a time change or scene shift. I usually use but they don't show up on this site. Odd don't you think?

**NOTE:** SORRY! I misspelled Captain…as Caption…So…for the last few day I suppose I wanted Mal to be small lettering under a picture…but now he is permitted to control a ship. The first two chapters are the same I just fixed all the references to pictorial descriptions.

In The Flesh

By: Koken

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It seems Kaylee wouldn't have to worry about the sight for long. She tried to move, tried to run like Wash said but she was too stunned, too shocked, too scared, to do anything.

Wash pushed at the guard and they struggled. His face was filled with stubble, his white scrubs a little dirty, but he was definitely alive. He was breathing, and struggling with a large man, he was _alive; _but he wasn't winning.

As if becoming unfrozen Kaylee felt her limbs suddenly allow herself to move, she lurched forward in slow motion as she pulled herself up, but she didn't run away. She couldn't leave a friend behind, not like this. She was too slow to help. She saw the guard draw his gun; shinny alliance issue, a deadly force. The gun fired. She caught Wash as he flew backward, slowed his fall to the ground.

The man laughed softly as he winced, staring up at her stunned face from her lap. "You were supposed to run little Kaylee."

"Sorry" She whispered, tears coming to her eyes with a sting of sudden pain. "Your alive, but we. . . we buried you…Wash…"

He coughed and wretch in her arms, shivering involuntarily from the sudden cold he felt coursing though him. "I won't be gone for long Kaylee." He said gently, He reached up and touched her face. "I'm sorry. I never wanted anyone else to end up here…"

Kaylee reached out and put pressure on his would, feeling the warm blood pouring out of the massive hole as he shook less and less, she could almost feel his heart dieing as the pulsing grew weaker. "No…Wash?! WASH!" She felt herself starting to cry and couldn't hold it back. "No, your not gonna die…not again…Wash…" She should have run, that would have at least given Wash a reason to die.

Something inside her pulled her eyes up to look at the new arrival to the scene. She looked at Inara's shocked face. Even the companion couldn't keep tamed her face to a calm state at this site. Her short hair tickled her cheeks as she stared down at Wash's dead body. His blood still poured out of his wound and onto Kaylee.

The large man didn't wait long after Wash grew still to reach down and grab Kaylee's arm. This time she wasn't going easily. Inara thought the girl looked crazy, covered in blood and flailing. The man who was moving Wash went to grab the flailing girl and both men dragged her. She didn't stop fighting for at least thirty feet of hallway.

Inara's eyes looked hard at the dead man they left behind them, limp on the ground, eyes staring hallow out into the world. Wash had been alive? Alive? And they had never went to find him, to rescue him…they just left him…to die here again…

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A Tall man stepped out of the bushes and leveled his a gun on Mal, just as fast as the Captain could point his pistol at that very man. "Before we start the firefight, I think you should hear me out."

River spoke very suddenly, loud and angry, a flow of Chinese as she launched herself forward before anyone could move. She grabbed the man's gun and gracefully pointed it downward. Her arm pushed out and her fist contacted the man's skull with a loud crack. Her hand wrapped around his neck and pulled his head back a loud snap echoing as his neck shattered and he fell to the ground. In a quick movement River pulled the gun into her hand and shot into the bushes, one loud bang after another. She killed the men one shot each, three to the left and one to the right.

Jayne blinded and nodded softly. "Yep…she was worth draggin' along."

Mal lifted an eyebrow. "River…You sure those were the right guys?"

She seemed possessed for the moment, reaching down and grabbing a small black cloth out of the dead man's belt She tossed it back to him and kept walking forward. River was angry.

Zoe and Jayne peered over Mal's shoulders to see him open the cloth. Kaylee's blood soaked teddy bear made his stomach wrench as he let his fingers touch the fabric patch gently. Underneath it in the dark night he felt something. He lifted it up and felt his heart clench at the sight of delicate black curls distinctive to Inara's hair. The Captain could feel his insides boil, he let the hair slither though his fingers for a moment. He wouldn't let them hurt her. "Let's go."

Jayne felt something inside him burn, he was going to get to shoot someone this time, and that was a very good thing.

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Kaylee shivered and let the silent tears run down her face. She was angry. Confused. Scared. So many different things at once. She looked around at her "cell" a flat piece of metal suspended over nothingness. She looked to her side at Inara, too far away for her to jump to, but close enough to see. She was also on the same small six foot by six foot platform.

"Are you alright?" The companion asked, unsure if it was even a question that could be answered.

"None of the blood is mine…if that's what ya mean." She answered, turning to look at Inara. She stared hard at her. "He's alive. He _was_ alive, and he died trying to save me, but I couldn't run. . ."

Inara shook her head hard. "Kaylee, he was dead, that is something you can't expect not to shock you. Don't blame yourself."

A mechanical sound filled the room suddenly, breaking the deathly quiet as another platform lowered and both girls looked at it. They watching it lower toward them, the bottom of the square growing larger as it came nearer until they were finally unable to see the person on top. The platform stopped between them, with a single occupant. Wash. Alive again, apparently asleep, and in new perfectly white clothes. Inara just looked at Kaylee with wide eyes for a long moment. The same Kaylee whose face was smeared with that man's dieing blood. It was hardly dry on her skin.

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River lead them through the empty halls, the building was old and falling apart until suddenly, after one dilapidated door, it looked sterile, clean, white and very alliance. She stopped in one hallway, causing Mal to almost run into her from behind. "Hoban Washburne. Subject: 452286" The words made Zoe's heart stop and River kicked the door open with a sudden burst of energy. Inside there was no movement but the glowing blue tanks, and in the bodies. Row after row of people, some small children, some toddlers, then teenagers, then adults. All of them were in common however, because all of them were Wash. All of them looked like him. All of them asleep. And then there was the one on the table. Dead and staring up at the ceiling, a shot to the chest, like he had been blown through. His face had bloody handprints on them, his clothes dirty and stained.

Jayne couldn't help but say something, but nothing seemed right. "What the…" He stared at the small hand prints…small enough to be Kaylee's.

River shook her head. "He isn't here, he was, but no more."

Zoe was silent and still, just looking. Processing what her brain didn't want to accept.

Mal walked to the nearest table and picked up a folder. The thick file had Wash's name on it, he stuffed it into a bag and looked at all the bodies…nothing he could do, this wasn't what they were there for.

River spoke assuredly. "None of them are alive." She walked out the door again. "Hurry, we have to find them."

Mal looked at Zoe, but she was gone, already in the hall. Silent and deadly. Jayne followed and the tall woman, leaving the Captain alone in the room with "dead" Washes. Mal pulled a grenade out of his bag, he inspected it to make sure it was a real one, before looking around the room again, this image would haunt him till the day he died. As the Captain left the room, he let the explosive stay, to destroy the shells of a once honorable man.

Jayne whispered softly. "What the hell was that?"

"I have no idea, but we'll figure it out later, we gotta get our girls, before they start making copies of Inara and Kaylee."

Jayne made a scared little sound in the back of his throat. "Or us."

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Inara looked at the sleeping man, they both did, stared at him really. "He died Kaylee, in your arms he died, his blood is all over you, there is no way this is our Wash. This is something else completely. Do you understand that?"

The brown haired girl nodded slowly. "Are you scared?" She whispered.

Inara nodded. "Very."

He moved, making a sound, very alien and very odd. His fingers twitched and his hand tried to move. They watched his eyes open and his hands move slowly. He made a fist and relaxed, then bent his legs once or twice. He moved slowly, like someone just waking up from a comma.

Inara frowned and looked closely. The wound was gone. "Can you talk?"

It took a long moment for him to move his head messily from side to side.

"Your not the same as the man Kaylee was with. There is no way you could be the same man." Inara breathed slowly, remembering she should probably make it a true or false question if she expected an answer. "Is that true?"

He lowered his chin and let it work up again.

"Are you a double of him?" Inara asked, searching for a solution. "Someone who looks just like him."

He shook his head. No.

"Are you a machine?"

No.

"Are you a clone?"

There was silence and stillness. His lips tried to move, but only odd sounds came from his mouth. He tried to say something; he repeated it again and again until the words came out a distorted shadow of what they should be. "I remember"

Inara blinked a few times before leaning forward. "You remember what?"

"Everything" His voice sounded almost like a child's working hard to pronounce it.

Kaylee peered over the edge of her individual platform, staring down the eternal pit below her. She looked around her, inspecting. There were shadows below them, a hint the vast space was used for something beyond the threat of their death. She stared up across at the dark vastness to see walls, flat on all sides but one. She could make out a hallway, but there was no way of knowing if the ledge even had a door, or was more dead end.

Wash pulled himself up, breathing slowly. "I remember, Zoe, Mal, River…Miranda." He breathed between each word like it strained him. He moved forward slowly, griping the edge of his platform as he leaned over and let his wrenching stomach empty it's contents.

"Train job…you had to go…pull out Zo…Mal…"

Kaylee pulled her knees to her chest and stared at the man as he struggled to speak. He looked at her and gulped. "You ….K?"

"Yeah, all your blood." Kaylee answered with a sadness in her voice.

Wash leaned down and searched for the words he wanted. "Thank you…for staying…with me…when I…" He pointed to his chest, fingers uncoordinated but Kaylee understood.

"You remember?" Kaylee asked

"Yes… you were….there…held…..when…I….again…" Whispered the man without any air left in his lungs.

Inara stood up and grabbed one of the large cords holding the four corners of the platform for support. "Could we climb up these cabels?"

"No" Wash whispered, taking deep lung-fulls of air at once. "They are too thin..heavy…sharp."

Kaylee stood. She looked at Inara, and then down at Wash. "How do you remember?" She asked him.

"Some…thing…'bout ….mind…" He said stuttering. "I'm not sure." He managed to pull his words, working them into full mouthfuls.

Kaylee peered at him, pity in her eyes, but she was not convinced as easily as last time. "Favorite Animal?"

"Dinosaur."

"When you proposed, what did you call Zoe?" Kaylee asked with her arms crossed. "Mrs. …Sexy…Warrior…w…W… Woman."

Inara smiled softly at his answers "Your favorite part of Zoe?"

Wash mustered up a laugh and leaned back to lay on his metal bed. "Never… could… choose…" He let his eyes close and the companion could hear the strain in his voice to keep himself from crying. "Love…everythin' bout….her…can't choose. Impossible really. I love so much of her…all together…she k?" Inara nodded and he thought back, started saying what he could to prove what he could. "Mal got in a duel….over 'nara ….Kaylee ….got …the cupcake thing …dress… Badger …and River talked…" He took a few deep breaths before continuing. "Kaylee got shot…Zo took blast…for Kay…Mal…went …down with Serenti..ty…" He seemed a little exhausted.

"That's enough." Kaylee whispered. "Mal will come, he'll save us."

"No…" Wash looked up at her with a little desperation in his face. "That is what they want. .. They want to prosecute all those who had anything to do … with Miranda. Anything at all…" The man tried to pull himself to his feet but it was on shaky ground. Kaylee felt herself weaken. She didn't know how it worked specifically, but that man was their Wash. Alive and breathing. She wasn't gonna leave him here alone to die again and again by the hand of these crazy men. Her head jerked suddenly hearing the faint echo of an explosion.

"That's probably them now, Wash" Kaylee said with excitement in her voice.

"Awfully far …away don't you think?" Wash asked with a smile.

Her head darted around with her eyes before she asked."…is there a way out over there?" pointing to the dark hallway.

"Yes." His whispered breathing heavily between words. "But it's too far."

The girl stood, the fear in her legs made the entire platform tremble. She grabbed on to the cables for support before she began shifting her weight. First forward, then backward. She swung toward Wash's platform intent on keeping her center of gravity low.

"Kaylee? What are you doing?" Inara asked quickly.

"If Wash is right, then Mal is gonna walk in here lookin' for us and we should at least have the courtesy to meet him near the front door don't ya think 'nara?" The mechanic seemed to be suddenly very brave. She waited till she was about to make her platform collide with his and took the leap of faith. Her trembling knees gave out on her as she landed on Wash's platform, the man instinctively tried to catch her, his weak arms only a shadow of a normally muscular man.

"Are you okay?" He asked, looking at her with a sudden realization in what she had done. "You really just do that little Kaylee?"

"Yeah. But, one more thing before we go." The girl said in a whisper, she reached out and touched his chest. Nothing. No wound.

"You were supposed to run little Kaylee."

"I know." She whispered. "I couldn't then, but I can now. Can you?"

"I'll do my best." He answered softly

Kaylee looked up at Inara and the companion nodded. She followed the girl's example, grabbing the cable and bending her knees to keep her weight stable. She began to sway, leaning herself forward, then back, one way and then the other. She took the jump much more calmly than Kaylee did, grabbing the cable to steady herself as she landed.

"Now what?" Wash asked. Pulling himself to his feet with clumsy movements.

"Stay low and swing that way," She pointed to the dark bridge. She was Still unsure of what would greet them there, but anything is better than a giant empty pit.

This took longer, farther to swing. Wash's movements were clumsy but he was trying to help as best he could. They were at the widest swing they dared when Inara spoke up. "I'll go first." She launched herself with grace and landed in a smooth roll.

Kaylee would be next, she began to shake almost immediately at the thought. She took a deep breath and simply let go. She let herself launch off the platform and sailed through the air to land hard and messily onto the metal floor. Inara was at her side in and instant, helping her to feel steady. The girls both looked back to see the swing loosing momentum, and Wash attempting to get it back again.

Wash looked down and remembered when he fell down that very pit, traveled through it with only fear and death in his mind, but after bringing him back so many times, he had jumped off once. He had just stepped off the edge and let himself fall to his death. He had been calm on the way down that time, remembered it felt like floating or flying. He had been weightless on the way down. He had been a leaf on the wind without Serenity to protect him. He felt his limbs still so weak, not ready to support him as this would demand. He didn't care. He would take the risk.

He jumped, legs wound and uncoiled like a spring as they propelled him through the air. He flew, forever it seemed like, but it was difficult to see the dark metal floor. When he hit it, his lower half was beyond the edge and didn't stop. His hands shot out and searched for a hold, but there was nothing but smooth metal. No ledge caught his fingertips, no rock, no pole, nothing. He felt himself falling and closed his eyes tight, not wanting to see Kaylee's face, or Inara's as he slipped off the edge into nothingness. He heard a scream, a yelling high pitched voice that came close, and he felt himself stop suddenly.

He felt his wrists enveloped in warmth and strength. He opened his eyes to see Inara's passionate dark eyes holding him tight, just as tight as her hands on his wrists. He breathed and tried to pull. He commanded his muscles to move, this was the end of it. He wasn't gonna take the torture anymore.

Kaylee had her hands around Inara, her sneakers giving better traction on the slick metal then Inara's bare feet. The mechanic finally breathed, using all her might to pull. She even sore to herself she'd start using Jayne's weight bench.

Wash managed to hook his leg above the edge and he felt Kaylee's small hand grab his thigh. She and Inara together hauled him up with a loud grunt.

His light eyes flickered from girl to girl. "Thank you."

Kaylee nodded and gently helped him to his feet. "Can you walk?"

"Need some practice first. Time we don't have." Wash murmured.

Inara stood and slid in close next to him, "Then you lean on us. Let's get going before they realize we're missing."

Wash put an arm over each girl and let them take some of his weight

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Zoe kept her gun cocked and ready as she walked. Mal held his pistol over his shoulder. River lead them down a long hallway, her steps slow and deliberate. She looked around. Looking for something. She touched the wall to their left and looked at it with a tenderness she reserved for Serenity's hull.

Zoe heard footsteps rounding the corner and quickly pulled the young girl back, aiming at the soon to be occupied spot. Her trigger finger itched with anger. She saw Kaylee first, her face, hands, chest, covered in blood. Her hair was matted with dark stains and she held and almost clean, very weak Wash. Zoe could feel mixed feelings bubble up inside her. It felt worse when she saw the man's light soft eyes hit her face. She couldn't ignore the flash of recognition in his expression. The love her husband used to have for her was clearly in that copy's face. She took aim at the man, without pause.

"ZOE!?" Screamed the mechanic in surprise and confusion as she extended her hand to the woman's gun.

Jayne's brow furrowed, seeming to be the only one concerned that Kaylee was covered in blood. "You okay?"

"Holy …Kaylee!" Mal exclaimed, finally looking at her rather than Wash. "We gotta get you outta here. The tall dark woman looked at the smaller girl with a harsh strong jaw, despite the fact she was covered in blood, she was still standing in the way of Zoe's gun and she couldn't have that. "You are gonna step aside Kaylee."

Inara moved in front of the Man and let him lean steadily on her back. "You are not going to kill him."

Mal didn't know what to do, didn't know what to say. River spoke first, through the silence of disagreement. "They are coming. It's too late. They are coming!" She reached out and grabbed the gun from Mal's other side and spun quickly toward Wash. She aimed at him, her gun trained on him as she stepped forward. Kaylee's eyes were filled with fear, her mind pleading with River not to shoot. Inara's determined to stay blocking the little girls shot.

"Move" The girl demanded.

"No." Inara said, firm and strong.

The agile girls leg shot out and pushed the side of Inara's knee. The graceful companion collapsed with a pained scream, taking Wash down with her. River shot across their falling forms and hit her target. The weaselly man reached down and touched his chest looking up at her with shock and pain. "Don't you remember dieing …this isn't the first time for you." River looked down at Wash her head tilted to the side, then to Inara. She pointed the gun down at Wash's head. "Bullet in the brainpan. Squish."

Wash nodded, a firm decisive action. The small girl pointed her weapon once again at the weaselly man, and shot again. She felt something enter her mind, an overwhelming hate. Anger. Passion. The memory of Wash being tortured by the weaselly man. The memory of almost escaping, of killing the man bloodily with bare hands only to see him come back to life. She walked toward him, aiming for his head and shot. And shot. The echoing gunfire crept up Mal's spine and made his mouth go dry. "River. He's dead."

The girl straddled the dead man, blood pooling around her thick commando boots. She leaned down and pressed the muzzle against the man's pin-cushioned face and took the last loaded shot she had. The room was quiet. Very quiet as she stood up and peeked back over her shoulder at the Captain. "And he's going to stay that way this time."

Mal was not going to stand for this anymore. "Alright, 'nough playin' 'round. Lets go."

Inara tried to pull herself up and took a sharp breath as pain rocketed up her leg from her knee. "River!" The woman whined shooting the girl a nasty look.

"I had to make you go down…" She replied innocently.

Zoe wasn't done with Wash, not by a long shot she pointed her gun at him still, a long hurt expression graced his sweet face, but she ignored it. "You aren't coming with us."

Kaylee frowned deeply. "If he doesn't come, I don't come."

Zoe looked at the mechanic for the first time, her entire attention off the man on the floor. "Ka-"

"No." Interrupted the blood stained girl. "This is Wash. Our Wash, I don't know how or why but we will figure it out and you will realize he is ours. Our crew. He is coming or you can shoot me right now."

Zoe aimed her gun at the girl, willing to play bluff against bluff, but the Captain wasn't. He reached down and pulled Inara up into his arms, holding the girl gently and trying his best not to look her in the eye. "Enough. He comes, we don't have time for this. Dong ma?"

Zoe could take orders, she immediately started moving out, passing by Jayne with a hard hit to his shoulder. The Captain let her go. "Jayne, pull up the rear. River, help us get outta here. . . and Kaylee, you wanted to keep him so bad, you help him."

The small girl pulled him up as best she could, and Wash attempted to walk by himself as much as possible. He looked down at the brown haired girl with an odd realization, that this girl was somehow convinced she would save him, like he tried to do for her. He should just remember to have enough courage to take that help, even if it's difficult.

Jayne followed behind, watching the blood covered girl help the struggling man. It only lasted for the better part of a minute before Jayne walked up next to them. Instead of being a kind man, telling Kaylee he wanted to help her, telling Wash he was glad to see him, or asking again after Kaylee's safety, he just grunted. "You movin' too slow." He grabbed Wash and threw the man over his shoulder. "Lets pick it up." Kaylee walked as fast as she could to keep up. She never went a step without thanking Jayne, however.

"Yeah…thanks Jayne" Wash chimed in "…you been doing some exercises, cause your butt is looking fantastic from this angle!"

"Right back at ya…" Jayne said with a smirk, smacking the man's ass softly as he winked at little Kaylee. Caught up in the light humor before he knew it.

The girl laughed, a little odd with her face all bloody, but still warmed Jayne's heart. He also thought to himself, the comment would have been precisely what Wash would have said…

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Simon thought that he was completely prepared for every possible scenario. He had everything set out for a multitude of contingencies. Stabbings, shootings, burns, or even an embedded strange object or two, Simon was completely prepared. He did not however, predict a clone.

The doctor felt his heart skip a beat when he saw Wash plopped on his table. The blonde gave him an awkward smile and a slight nod. Simon just gave him wide open staring eyes.

Mal's fingers snapped only inches from the doctors eyes, bringing him, at least mostly back to attention. "Your sister busted 'Nara's knee. Everyone else is fine, your gonna have to figure out what that thing is sooner or later, but don't let him outta your site." Mal walked out, River already headed for the controls of Serenity.

Jayne leaned on the doorway, his gun in hand. Kaylee still hovered just behind him, peeking into the room.

Simon let his eyes run over Wash again. He was fully distracted again. "You…were…dead."

Inara rolled her eyes. "We've been over that, and we can go over it again, but first, would you please look at the knee."

"Huh? What did you say?"

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"I recommend we at least lock him up Captain." Zoe said forcefully. "He poses a serious threat. We have no idea who he really is, or what his purpose is. All we know is that he is one of many, I say that we kill him."

"Thinks like Wash." Came River's eerie voice whispering over the air. "Smells like Wash, moves like Wash . . . _thinks_ like him."

Mal ran his fingers through his hair. "We are gonna keep him locked up anyway, until we figure out for sure who. . . or what he is."

"Of course." Zoe said with a firm nod.

The Captain held something in his hand that he apparently didn't want to open while the strong woman was still in the room. "What is that sir?" She asked, knowing that he didn't want to answer.

"Nothing." He murmered, rubbing his head, keeping on hand firmly over the file's title. "Could you go get the doc? He should be done with Inara by now."

Zoe lifted one silken eyebrow at the man, she didn't like when Mal wanted her out of the room. Her saving grace was the singsong voice of Kaylee from behind her, just entering the kitchen. "I'll do it Cap, already on my way."

The tall woman let her long legs fold in on themselves as she sat at the table. "I guess I'll stay right here then."

Mal's eyes looked at her with a hard stare, but she had a more dangerous look then he did.

Kaylee wasn't sure if she had broken the tension in quite the right way this time. She just skipped out of the kitchen and worked her way down the stairs as quickly as she could. Jayne heard her coming, but at the moment, the mechanics mind wasn't on the mercenary, in fact, she didn't even seem to notice him. She slid into the infirmary and right up to the doctor. "Simon, Mal wants ya in the kitchen."

"Alright." Tam was moving his hands over Wash's chest, still examining it but preparing to tear himself away from the man on the table.

When Simon's eyes finally looked up, they went to Kaylee. "Are you alright?" He asked. His hand touched her face, an action of soft sweet caring. His fingers felt the warmth of her flesh and yet he looked at her with only respect, and friendship. Jayne didn't understand. Something inside him wanted to worship that little girl. For the moment that Simon looked at the mechanic he calmed, his brain stopped working overtime and took a second to align every individual moment. She calmed him. She aligned him. Why then did she make Jayne twist into things he didn't really want to feel?

The doctor left, confusion filling his head again. Kaylee reached out and took Wash's hand in her's. Jayne could feel jealousy and anger pool in his stomach. It made his jaw clench and his fingers twitch toward his gun. He didn't rightly know why though. Kaylee pulled up a seat next to the weak man looked down at him, her soft voice soothing. "How ya feelin?"

"Just shiny" Wash said, voice still not sounding quite like it should.

Inara stood up, leaning against the counter as she looked over at Wash, her knee was still tender but it would heal well enough. "How long will it take for you to speak normally?"

Kaylee frowned. "Now that ain't nice to say 'nara." The innocent girl stated scolding. "He can't help it."

"I can hear myself though." Wash said sitting up a little bit. "I know what I should sound like, I remember talking right all my life. Just this tongue…teeth…lips…they don't know how to move yet."

"Because they've never done it before." Inara said, a mix of a question and a statement.

"They havn't?" Kaylee asked softly.

"I get a new body Kaylee. Every time I die, they move me into a whole new me." Wash explained.

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Simon stepped through the door to the kitchen, immediately interested in the papers strewn across the wooden table. "What is this?" He sat slowly, tilting his head to look at the documents, fingers darting out to leaf through the papers. "Brain scans…neural maps. . . skull dissections…Where did you get this?"

Mal handed the doctor the folder, still containing some papers. "It was in that place, in a room with many … copies of Wash. All bein' home grown just like the one we got in our infirmary."

"Copies?" Simon opened the folder and began reading.

Mal sighed after a long moment of silence. "Come on doc. You gotta let me know what in the 'verse is goin' on here?"

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"No Kaylee, you don't want to hear this…"

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"They cloned him Captain. Not once. . . not twice. . . but hundreds of times. The escalated the growth cycle of the unborn babies by using a molecular acceleration device…it basically…"

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"They tortured me Kaylee…when I didn't answer the questions they wanted me to answer, they would kill me. Never quick. Never painless. They killed me over and over again. After every time, they just brought me back to life so they could do it again. And again." For a long moment, Wash seemed lost in his mind, and Kaylee squeezed his hand.

"I'm sorry Wash…really…If you don't wanna talk 'bout it, I understand." She stroked his hair tenderly. "I just wanna help."

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Jayne looked the other way, he didn't want to see Kaylee hold Wash's hand. He didn't want to continue to be ignored. He wished he could pull Kaylee away from the thing and talk to her. About anything, yet he didn't know what to say. He didn't really want to talk, it's just he wasn't allowed to grab her and kiss her…

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Simon looked down, horrified at the records. "He was killed . . . many times. Each of these documented a success. He displayed consciousness…knowledge of his previous lives." He took a moment to scan the reports and continued. "Once he didn't show any signs of knowing, he fell off his …'cell platform'…and plummeted to the pit bottom. He sustained serious head trauma and did not recall any information for the time period in that clone body." The doctor kept flipping, he stopped for a moment. ". . . He committed suicide. . ."

Zoe's eyes twitched, her lips seemed to slightly spasm as she looked through the photographs. Wash lay dead in everyone. Some he was sliced open. Some shot. Some beaten. Some starved. They had killed Wash. Again. And Again. They took pictures, cut him open and studied him.

"He jumped off the cell platform once. Says here, he tried to dive and hit his head. By that time they had installed a preventative system. It doesn't mention what that system was." Simon flipped few a few more pages. "Dated Yesterday, he threw himself at a guard to aid in the escape of a newly captured prisoner: Frye, see appropriate file."

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"They wanted to hold someone responsible. For the Miranda incident. The program was to recreate me so I could be brought to justice. Most inmates they attempted to revive failed." Wash touched Kaylee's hand warmly. "After so long…I suspect they were using me just to collect the data."

"…It's alright. Your home now. I'll make them see your really you. I promise." Kaylee whispered petting his hair with a desperate tone to her voice, she wanted to help him with all her heart, wanted to keep the friend she had already lost once.

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"We should kill him." Zoe growled, firmly.

Simon's light eyes flickered up, his face immediately appalled. "No."

Mal just quirked an eyebrow. "Why not?"

"Well. . . " The doctor struggled for an answer besides this was a human being and they had no right to kill it. "He isn't the original Wash…but his brain has been reproduced. Reshaped. He's been replicated in a way science has barely begun to considered. He is as close to our Wash a we will ever know, the only difference is the experiences he has had between his death and now."

"Traumatic experiences?" Zoe asked her head cocked for a fight.

"Yes."

"Then he could very well be psychotic. What right do we have to let him live."

Simon slammed his hands on the table, growling at the larger woman. "What right do we have to kill him!"

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"You don't have to do that. I'll leave Kaylee, this …" Wash held his breathe a moment before Inara spoke for him.

"You expected us to welcome you. You missed your friends, and most of all; your wife. You never thought she would great you with a gun to your head. . ." Whispered the companion. "You just dreamed of being together with her again. And now…"

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"I will blow his gorram brains onto Serenity's hull myself next time I see him." Zoe spat at the Captain, her hands in tight fists, shaking with raw fury. "That is not my husband. My husband is dead. And that…_thing_ is walking around with _my husbands_ face. His DNA. It has no right, . . . sir." She leaned her dangerously fire filled eyes toward Mal. "Let me kill that animal, for even attempting to impersonate a member of this crew."

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"She wrote her own wedding vows. She changed…'till death do us part' to…'till Wash's carelessness kills us both..'" He had stinging in his eyes, but he didn't let it out. Just in case he looked away from the girls. "I remember our first kiss…and the…the moment….no; the second…that I fell in love with her. I remember everything." He closed his eyes tightly, pain audible. "Yet she would shoot me on sight."

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It made Inara weak, looking at the man who was once there friend, and now seemed to be nothing but a broken shell. She could tell he was the same, yet different. She knew this Wash had seen too many terrible things to be exactly the same. But her heart went out to him. She knew what it was like to have the one you love resist you. At least he knew exactly how he felt though. At least he knew he wanted Zoe, knew that he loved her with every bit of himself. Knew he wouldn't be able to rest without her love.

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"He is a member of this crew. Was…always will be. He's part of Serenity." River whispered stepping into the light.

"No." Simon said shaking his head. "He is not Wash. Wash died. It's like . . . two biscuits. They look exactly the same. Taste the same. But they _are_ different."

"No." River said leaning over to look at the table. "This was Wash." She pointed at a picture of the mutilated man. "And this. . . and this . . . and this. . ." Simon stopped her hand and she looked at him with burning angry dark eyes. "They were all him. He was alive. They were all him. He is none of them. He's back. It thinks like him." The young girl stopped talking for a moment and did not let the silence fill with sound before looking directly at Zoe. "He loves like him…"

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"Kaylee. Back away from _it_." Jayne's gruff voice filled the room. He couldn't really take it anymore. This wasn't Wash, and Kaylee never fawned over the real pilot this way. He must have some kind of drug, spell…something freaky to make the mechanic believe him so readily. Inara seemed just a smitten. Women. "You too 'nara. Back 'way."

The companion took a step back but Kaylee stepped in front of Jayne. She stood between the tall mercenary and the clone. "You ain't here to tell me what to do." Her voice was horse and strong. She was angry. But he hadn't done nothin'! Must have been that imposter.

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Zoe cocked her gun and pointed it at River's head. Anger burned inside her like a volcano. She didn't care if she hurt someone. She didn't care if she got hurt. At that moment all she could feel was anger. Burning raging and coursing through her like a flowing river that pushed her over the edge of a waterfall she had been teetering on for a very, very long time. "Shut up!" She screamed. "I held my husband as he died. A Reaver shot a stick through his chest and splattered him over the cockpit of this fine ship. He is dead. I saw him die. The Captain saw him die. Didn't you!."

Mal didn't say anything.

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Her hand was on his chest with the sudden calm warmth that flooded him. She looked up at him with a tenderness that calmed him. He was blinded by the simple, tender act, the entire world melted away and he just felt her hand, and his own breathe. Kaylee's eyes were the warmest brown Jayne had ever stared into. "Jayne, your not bein' reasonable"

"No." Jayne said firmly. "You two shouldn't even be talkin' to him. He could be manipulatin' ya."

"He's not" Kaylee said with a smile.

Jayne's jealous nature bubbled up inside him. "Still, shouldn't be talkin' to him." The mercenary ignored Wash as the man tried to speak up for himself, instead, he just reached out for Inara and removed them both from the infirmary. He slammed the door. There. No more nonsense. He locked it tight. He turned around, only to be greeted by Kaylee's very angry face.

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Zoe felt betrayed on a personal level. "Captain."

Mal just shook his head. "Zo, I don't know what to think. What makes a person…a person. I can't decide that. Doc's right, can't go around killing things." Simon felt relief flood through him, although he knew part of that response could be given to Mal's selfish nature, wanting to hold on to something, not wanting to change. Zoe felt anger, hate bubble inside her. She was about to loose her temper. She hadn't done it since Wash died…and she had crossed the line to stab a Reaver… "But I don't know what I am supposed to do." Mal stood looking deep into Zoe's face. "We could drop him off. Anywhere you want me too."

Zoe seemed agreeable to that. She didn't say anything, she just left. She didn't object, but she didn't agree. She just left. Her feet were firm and tough. The kicked open the door to her bunk and looked back into the kitchen. Mal, Simon and River were all looking at her. She could feel Mal's sympathy, something she would only accept from the long time friend. She could feel Simon's disapproval. He objected to her thoughts and her assumptions. She could feel River's mind probing hers. She could feel the girl digging up pain. She could feel River weeding through personal and private memories of Wash. Zoe didn't care what River was looking for, she just wanted the little brat to stop. Zoe dropped down the ladder quickly and let the door shut. She didn't want River digging those things up. Not now.

She felt tears stinging her eyes as she remembered her husband. She remembered how warm he used to be, how soft, how caring, she remembered their wedding, she even remembered the moment she meet him and that furry thing on his face. She felt the tears sting her eyes. Zoe would have screamed, cursed and pounded River's innocent little face in, only the child was no longer the one brining Wash into her head. Zoe couldn't stop thinking of him. Wondering if that was really him in the infirmary…or just an empty shell that she could kill without a second thought.

She had cried very few tears over Wash, and always in private. She had just pushed them back, down and away. But now the surged up on her like a terrible earth quake…and she shook like a leaf on the wind.

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"What are we going to do Captain?" Simon asked, pulling the papers back into a neat stack. "Just ask him to kindly get off the ship he's been waiting to rescue him?"

River frowned at her brother. "He is a part of Serenity. He has to stay."

Simon opened his mouth to try and reason with River, but the girl had had enough. She frowned and looked at Mal with hard eyes. "Ten years ago …you had a different moral compass. . . before Zoe had Wash she had a different name. Seven years ago…you had a different skeleton. Your body has rebuilt you, renewed every cell. The only thing that connects you now…to the man you once were…is you brain. Your memory. That is who you are. That is who Wash is." She went to the table and pulled out a group of papers. She held the pictures up to Mal's face. "His brain is the same. Thinks the same. He is the same."

Jayne's deep grungy voice echoed in the kitchen very suddenly. "She is really starting to damage my calm." He shifted his weight. "What she babbling 'bout now."

Simon sighed, shooting a deathly glare at the muscular man. "It's complicated Jayne, _you_ wouldn't understand."

Mal sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. River looked at Kaylee and said in a firmly truthful voice. "Captain can't decide whether to kill Wash…or leave him on a planet."

Kaylee's face dropped. "Is that true Capti'n? You can't mean it!"

"Now Kaylee-" Mal was not permitted to finish.

"No! Come on Capt'n" Kaylee looked like she had a fire in her as well. This wasn't a day that Mal could win. "You can't do this to him! He's been waitin for his hell ta end and now that it has . . . we can't cast him out."

"We have no proof, none at all that the man in the infirmary is Hoban Washburne." Mal answered, truthfully. Sincerely.

"We have him." Inara said softly. Her words were like a lightning strike of reason in a room of rumbling argument. "Ask him. Ask him anything Wash would know, he will answer. Have him fly, I'm sure he could do it. Just talk to him Mal. Talk to him and you will surely have your decision made."

The Captain looked weary for a moment, unsure whether he even wanted to go this route. Zoe would be angry. "Please" accompanied Inara's soft and tender face. She had the look, pleading Mal to trust her. His resolve melted against her. Watching her lean against the wall with her curling black hair tickling her chin.

"Alright. We'll talk." He looked down and sighed deep in his chest. "First Simon, you gotta check him out, full work up..make sure he's got nothing funny going on…no explosives where the sun don't shine…you hear?"

"Yes sir," Responded the doctor as he walked away.

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Mal didn't know what he was doing, didn't know what he should do. The room cleared slowly but Inara stayed, leaning against the doorway in her dirty dress. She had bare feet covered in dirt. He approached her, slowly. . . he didn't have time to talk to her…he gently reached out to her and let his hand cradle her delicate face. He looked down into her warm brown eyes. She knew just how to get to him…didn't she?

He let his thumb touch her lip, a very soft gesture as he tipped the swollen flesh out and examined the small cut on her lip. "Doc didn't think it needed stiches."

"No…" She whispered "He said it would be fine…"

He gentle brushed his fingers over her face and slid with a gentle touch through her hair. "They …sent me your hair."

"I know." She whispered.

"I. . . I . . ." He took a deep breathe and swallowed hard. "I have to say something …but it is really hard…"

She looked at him, her heart skipping a beat for a moment. Inara had been waiting so long for him to swallow his pride and be a man. "You were …in there for more than a day before we got you back…There was …Did you sleep?"

"Huh?" She didn't know how to answer that . . . such a soft touch to such a question.

"Did you sleep?" He asked, the second time more firmly.

"Yeah…a little I think…" She answered, confused.

He took another breathe and removed his hand. "Simon said…there was plenty of time…for them to use your blood…to make another you…"

Her eyes widened in surprise. "What?" She asked, a whisper off her lips.

He grabbed her left arm tightly and he pulled it up, looking at her left hand- barren.

"You were wearing a ring…when you left." He whispered softly.

The woman stared at her hand with wide eyes. "I was." She whispered. Not a question. But a statement.

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Simon stood in front of her, a sad look on his face. Jayne stood at the door to the infirmary…this time for the doctor's protection. But Kaylee didn't believe him. "No…Simon, it's me…Kaylee…" She took a step towards him but he took one back.

"I can test that…If you are a clone, the growth antibodies will still be in your blood…you would still in a way…be growing.." He said softly. "Just let me take a sample…and until the results come back…you have to stay in your room."

Kaylee frowned deeply. Her entire body shook with anger. "I AM ME!" She screamed…pain filling her entire being. "You can't make ME in a day!"

Simon looked down. He wasn't good at this. "It is possible Kaylee…They could have taken your DNA. They had a file just for you…maybe they even had a room just for you."

She fell to sit on the table. She looked around franticly. "No…It's me…It's me…I swear…" She looked at Jayne and his heart shattered into a million pieces. He knew it was her, he could feel it. He wanted to do something to help her. He had to look away. He couldn't handle the hurt in her eyes, her voice.

"I believe you…" They both whispered gently.

The doctors was less sincere however. Simon extending a hand to her slowly. "But we can prove it. Please…think of it as a day off…"

She jerked her arm away from him. "Don't touch me." She was going to cry. She could feel it. The frustration bubbling inside her. She wasn't a clone. She wasn't a clone. She wasn't a clone.

"Is there any time…any time at all that you can't account for?" He asked.

"NO! Wash! He said he remembered dieing …every time… I don't remember a thing!" She begged. She knew she was her. He knew…didn't he.

"His file said…that he fell off his 'cell platform' and the head trauma made it…impossible for him to remember that death. Where you ever in a 'cell platform'?"

She breathed hard, he sat down next to her. "Is there any way…" He continued. "…you could have fallen off..."

Her breathe caught in her throat. Tears flowing down her face slowly as she leaned against him burring her face into his neck and he wrapped his arms around her. She nodded. Nodded and cried.

Jayne stared, jealousy and rage coursing through him, but pushed aside by the sadness he felt for her. She didn't even know…if she was herself. He watched the doctor console her, touch her gently, kiss her head and pet her back. Then he took her blood. And Jayne had to take her back to her room.

She didn't say a word. She didn't move more than walking, her head lulled to one side. She stopped at her door and touched it slowly. "I remember putting this here…" She whispered. "What if I'm not me…"

Jayne didn't care if the Captain saw him, he spun the girl around and held her shoulders tightly in his hands. "You are _you" _ He said firmly, holding her tight enough to pull her to him, and keep her out of her own terrible mind. "You are Kaylee Frye. Nothing will change that. You are not a clone and when that stupid doctor sees your blood he will know it too. He will have a hell of a lot of explaining to do. I know who you are…you ARE Kaylee…"

She looked up at him with soft brown eyes, a spark of life in them for a minute moment. She slid on her toes and closed the short distance between her mouth and Jayne's. Her lips touched his with something gentle, tender, needy behind them. "Will you stay in my room?" She asked against his lips. "Stay the night…"

His heart fluttered and his pants got really tight all of a sudden. His smoky blue eyes looked down at Kaylee's deep brown ones with a strange sort of indecision. He had never had to think about bedding a woman before. But it was a good thing he did.

"I just…don't want to be alone…" She whispered, looking down at his chest. "Can you just hold me…you can leave…when I fall asleep…I…please…"

He kept his hips away from her, making sure she didn't feel how incredibly aroused he was at the idea of a night in her bed. When he didn't answer she whispered the please again and he folded like a house of cards.

"Okay…Okay…" He wined, "But just until you fall asleep."

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Zoe sat in the dark kitchen.

Zoe sat in the dark kitchen with a loaded gun.

Zoe sat in the dark kitchen with a loaded gun aimed at the locked pantry.

Zoe sat in the dark kitchen with a loaded gun aimed at the locked pantry; currently containing her formerly dead husband.

And still, Zoe _was_ the clearest head on Serenity.

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Inara sat in her shuttle, staring out into the cold…dark universe. She let her leg stay up. Her knee hurt with an amazing frequency, every movement, even if she breathed a little too hard…She let her eyes unfocus and become a field of blurry light. She didn't know what to think any more.

She heard him come in. She had no right to throw him out. This was her cell. A very well decorated cell…but a cell none the less. Mal's form peeked through the curtain to the main room and he leaned against the wall a bit before speaking. "How's the identity crisis?"

"Clever, you think of that all by yourself?" Inara asked without looking at him.

Mal looked down, it wasn't funny because it wasn't a joke. He hadn't meant to say it in such a jubilant tone. He had just over compensated for the heavy stale air in the room. "Why are you over here?" He asked gently.

She didn't want to admit the reason, but she was too tired . "My knee hurts to much to make the return trip." She confessed. "Could…you give me a hand?"

"Wouldn't giving you a knee be a more permanent fix?" Mal asked with a small smile. Inara still didn't think it was funny. He shifted his weigh a little and leaned down. He lifted her up slowly. She was very. Very light. He walked to her bed and gently set her down. He looked at her dirty dress. "Would you like something else to wear?"

The woman rolled her eyes. "And who will help me out of my dress? You have Kaylee locked up, Zoe won't step out of shooting range of the pantry, River's disappeared since you started accusing your own crew of not being who they are."

He sighed softly. "I'll help you, I promise I won't look."

She just looked away, eyes downcast.

"Can you tell me…honestly…that you know for a fact…you are the same Inara that left Serenity." Mal asked.

"No." Inara said. Her voice betraying no defeat, no weakness, only fact.

"We'll know tomorrow, Simon will work through the night, I'm not gonna keep you locked away like this. I promise." He said reassuring her.

"The warrant is gone." She said softly, her voice almost a whisper.

"That's good." He nodded. "We've got enough to deal with."

There was nothing but a heavy, awkward silence. He didn't know what to do. Accusing her of not being her was defiantly something he couldn't ignore, she didn't like him right now. Probably didn't even want him there. He stood and walked to her dresser. "What do you want to wear?" he asked easily, relaxed, as if he dressed her regularly.

She hesitated for a moment, but gave in rather quickly, it would be nice to put something else on. "Will you fill the pitcher with water, and bring the bowl and sponge here." He did as she asked. "Will you bring me the cloth in the top drawer, dark blue please."

He handed it to her and she set it on the bed. She reached a hand to him and found herself blushing a bit. He took her hand and helped her too her feet in a smooth move. He saw the slight bruise forming on her flesh, peeking out from behind the brace to keep it still. She gently steered him with her arms to turn around. "Thank you." She whispered, humbly.

Mal had a large smile on his face. "No problem." He looked dead ahead as he felt her back lean against his. He pushed against her, knowing she was using him for support. He let his eyes wander a bit and saw caught a glimpse of moment in a small metal box on top of her dresser. He was able to see her form, the color of her silken dress falling away and her skin underneath. He felt his breath quicken when he felt her bare back press against him. There…was a naked woman…right behind him. A smart, sexy, sensual, beautiful, naked woman right against his back. All he would have to do is turn around and kiss her, at least he would get to see her. She wouldn't really be able to stop him. She might not even be Inara.

No. That thought cooled him off immediately. He couldn't do that. He knew this was Inara. No matter what Simon though. The doctor didn't feel the electricity jump between them when they spoke. Although right now she was rattled, injured, he still felt it. The want for her, the need for her. He just wanted to love her, and not let it complicate everything. But it always did. He heard the sound of water and then a sharp hiss.

Mal didn't think before he turned, he wrapped his arms around to support her. Her short hair shook a little as she breathed deep, holding the cloth to her pale skin to cover herself, but she bit her lip to stifle back to pain of her knee. He couldn't just leave her like this. He felt guilt, he gently turned her in his arms and slid her on the bed. She didn't speak, just averted her eyes and let him move her. She held the cloth over her breasts and her soft black panties covered her lower area. He tried not to look, but her skin was beautiful in this light. A creamy tan. She pulled the rest of the cloth over her legs. He carefully took the sponge and rung it mostly out. He reached down and began to clean her dirty feet and calves gently.

There were no words. She had nothing to say. She didn't want to be so helpless, but she didn't even know who she was, she felt hallow. Mal didn't want to rub it in, didn't want this to be the creepy or unwelcome. But there was only one thing he could even think of.

"What did the ring mean?"

"You know what it meant."

"Only that you aren't…what I called you…I'm sorry about that." He said softly. He moved up, cleaning a spot above her knee before dipping the sponge again.

"I was never a whore." She said firmly.

Mal could make a very inappropriate joke at the moment about how she wasn't sure of that, she could only be a few days old. But, somehow he thought that probably wouldn't fit. "What did it mean?" He pushed.

"Meant that I was no longer available to provide sexual services to my clients." She said flatly and simply, devoid of most emotion. He moved closer, taking her hands with a clumsy but delicate touch. He washed them slowly for her.

"Why didn't you tell us?" He asked

"You mean why didn't I tell you?" She asked with one eyebrow up. She was determined on being difficult, detached, and he was set on being as calm, careful as he could.

"Yes" Was the most polite thing he could muster.

"There are some things in my life Captain," She snatched the sponge from him and continued washing herself. "That you are not privy to."

"I'm not the kinda man that can share you know." He said softly, catching her off guard. She just looked at him a little shocked. "Don't like the idea of the woman I love going off and having sex with other men. Don't much like the idea of her being there date when their gallivanting around the universe either, but I can live with that so long as at the end of the day she's commin' home to me."

Inara…didn't really know what she was listening to. He just say what she think he said?

He stood up and leaned down, capturing her lips for the briefest second. "Long as you agree to that, we can try to stop avoiding one another so much."

"Mal." She said as he turned to leave. "Are you saying this just cause you think I'm not the real Inara?"

He let out a sudden laugh. "No. You are Inara. I can tell you that, even if you don't know yourself."

He left silently, and she held the wet sponge in a tight grip. Was it that easy? Couldn't be. Could it?

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Jayne couldn't sleep. How was he supposed to sleep!? When he was distant, in his own bunk he could have dreams of her and wake up upside down with an erection the size of Serenity's cargo bay, but with her right there? Her smell filling his nostrils, her warms over his chest, her hair tickling his chin. He couldn't possibly be a decent man in his sleep. If he were to let himself go he would be likely to wake up crushing her against the wall doing things she would never permit.

She was asleep, his job was done. He really should go. He erection was starting to make his pants so tight it was mighty uncomfortable and as it was he was looking at a desperate need to relieve that. There was no chance that this would just go away with a cold shower.

Kaylee rolled away from him finally, this was his chance to escape, to run before he did something he would regret. He kissed the back of her head, giving in a little before attempting to slide off the bed. She moaned and rolled into his warm body, snuggling into the soft cotton of his shirt. She murmured something as she pulled herself close.

"What?" Jayne asked her sleeping form in a voice deeper than he intended.

The girls long lashes fluttered open, her sweet smile spreading across her face. "Your still here?" She whispered, pleasantly surprised.

He nodded down at her and gently ran his fingers through her hair. He was however, caught off guard when the girl leaned up and kissed him delicately.

Jayne was trying very hard not to ruin it. He was being careful to kiss her delicately. His large hands moved over her body with restraint, touching slowly, gently.

"Jayne?" Kaylee asked, breaking the kiss slowly. "Are you…alright?"

"Yeah…" He said, wondering if he was doing something wrong as he dipped his head to capture her lips again.

Kaylee leaned back in his arms, peering up at him with suddenly very alert brown eyes. "Do you…not want to do this right now?" She asked, her brow knit together.

Jayne's wide cloudy blue eyes blinked hard. Did she really just ask that question? Did she really just question his intensions while her bare thigh was literally pressed against his erection, a layer of his pants and boxers the only thing separating them? "You know that's not on one of my guns right?"

She smiled, a blush sliding across her face. "I mean…before…when you kissed me…it was different. Are you . . . holding back."

Jayne slid one hand to her butt unconsciously, letting his wide palm sit there for a long time, dominating her small yet perfectly shaped backside. If someone had told him that morning that he would be in bed with a clone of the woman of his dreams, her body enticing and her mind willing, he would have shot them.

That's when the man realized that he was holding back, something felt wrong. He thought he was sure. But would Kaylee do this? Would Kaylee kiss him like this? Would Kaylee want him? She never had before…How could he be sure?

She stared at him and looked very sad all of a sudden. "You don't …really know…do you."

Jayne didn't say a word. Just stared at her hard.

"Fine," She whispered sliding onto him, straddling his hips. She pulled off her shirt and threw it to the floor. She sat there with a white bra and short blue shorts staring down at the strong man beneath her. He didn't look away. "If I'm a clone you get a free night 'stead of havin' to pay a whore. If I'm not…than I'm makin' the choice of my own free will."

She found his erection and purposely pushed. "No obligations Jayne. Nothin' you don't want…promise…just make me feel good…"

He didn't need any more invitation than that. She wanted it hard. She was gonna get it hard. He pulled her down to his muscular chest and spun her so her back was on the bed. He swiftly removed her bra with expert fingertips and discarded the article to the floor. He covered the exposed flesh quickly with his mouth, the other breast with his hand. He felt himself harden more when he heard her moan. God…these sounds were better than the ones she made for the strawberry. He roughly striped her clothes and pined her to the bed with his weight. He didn't kiss her. She didn't want obligations. She didn't want a promise, she just wanted pleasure and by god he could give that too her. Maybe if he did…she might want him more often.

He sucked her nipple till the flesh was a hard nub in his mouth and slid down. Her fingers dug into his scalp through his short hair and she panted as if she was running a mile. He kissed down her flesh, down her abs and pulled her shorts and panties off her in an almost violent motion. He wanted to smell her and the fabric was in his way! He buried his face between her legs and into the hot wet folds there.

He slid his fingers into her and realized, quite suddenly, that she was wet, not just moist, not just aroused, no…she was wet, she was horny and swollen with need. He let his fingers stretch her and brush against her center. He felt her gasp and wiggle. His tongue flicked out and sucked her clit, moving the nub and making her scream softly. He heard what he never thought he would get to hear in his lifetime, she was saying his name. Rolling off her tongue like a beautiful mantra, her voice was angelic and beautiful in his ears and in a single second he heard the shift of her pleasure to frustration. She was begging with his name now. Begging him. "Please…Jayne please…Jayne, Jayne, Jayne, Pleease!" She moaned and wiggled.

He couldn't say no. And he couldn't do nothing. He had a little trouble trying to get his own pants off and around the obstacle of his pulsing manhood. He threw everything to the floor and didn't care that about anything as he jumped over her. He stopped. Suddenly, didn't move, couldn't move. He had to ask. "Are…you…do…I need to…get a…"

Kaylee blinked, unable to think with the head of his penis pressing against her naked body. She just wanted him inside her. Her brain clicked faintly after a long moment. "No. we're safe, I'm on-"

Oh he didn't care what she was on, as long as they were safe, long as he got to plunge into her and he did. Bare as the day he was born but much bigger. She couldn't think straight. She knew that size wasn't really what mattered in bed, but it certainly helped if a man was weak in a certain area. Jayne could impress a girl with just that single area of expertise.

"Oh…Holy." Kaylee's eyes closed tight, her mouth pushing into a line and Jayne had a sudden deep regret. Had he hurt her? She was tight. Really…really tight. She held him like a vice, her muscles tense, but her body was so wet, he hadn't felt any resistance when he went in. He stayed still, like a statue, his arms could take the burning of the awkward position. He just stared at her face. The long tense silence came to an end when she looked up at him, her eyes wide. "You…your…wow…" She closed her eyes again.

Kaylee was on fire. It was so good, she was streached like she had never been streached before and she loved the feel of him, she wanted him to start moving…but she couldn't take the pounding kind of sex she knew he would give her. "Slow…please…" She whimpered and he nodded.

He pulled himself out of the smaller girl and watched her relax, then descended, watching her breathe quicken with each inch and her body tremble when he buried himself to the hilt. Nothing could make him feel more like a man than to watch such a beautiful woman, unable to control her reaction to him inside her.

He dipped his head down to her breasts sucking softly again. He had never wanted to kiss a woman so badly in that moment, he had to do something with his mouth before he crossed the line of what Kaylee had asked for.

After a few minutes of painfully slow thrusts she said began to moan again and after a few minutes of her siren's song she began to beg again. This time for him to go faster. Harder.

Jayne waited, holding out as long as he could manage. Thrusting slow, making sure to push himself against the rough sweet spot inside her. He slid his hand down across her smooth stomach and ground his thumb against her sensitive swollen sweet spot. She jerked and moaned under him, gripping the pillow.

He smiled, and let himself go. He leaned down head over her shoulder and pounded. His hips moved with strength and determination as the slammed her hard enough to push her up the bed. His firm hands held her in place as he pushed in and out of her, faster and harder then the girl thought possible. She remembers liking the sex with boys on ships, in public places for the thrill. But no one…no one ever gave it to her this hard…this hot…or this good.

That was her last thought before she moaned Jayne's name the last time and came in a torrent of pleasure, at the mercy of the mercenary above her. She felt him come inside her a few moments after, she felt the entire world go numb as all she could perceive was the amazing sensation running through her. God…it felt good…so good. Not just a part of her tingled, all of it did. He collapsed next to her panting and sweating just as she was.

"Jayne…" She whispered, panting slowly. "That was…"

"Yeah…" He said with a deep smile. "It was."

She knew he might not like it, but she didn't care, she slid over to him and snuggled with him, she felt his warmth flood through her, comfort her. She pushed her nose into his neck and closed her eyes. If this is what he could give…she would be fine being just his sex toy.

Jayne was surprised, pleasantly surprised, he held her close and tight. He loved the feeling of her, wanted nothing more than to wait fifteen minutes and find another way to enjoy he body. He even love the taste of her. Both her mouth and way down below. If this was what she would let her do . . . he would be fine being just her sex toy.

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River's smokey dark eye looked past Mal's as he stepped out of Inara's shuttle. Her brother just inches behind her, his face was the one of distinct bad news. He stepped around River and looked at the doctor with hard eyes. "What is it?" He asked.

Simon shifted nervously not wanting to answer.

"Are they them, or are they not?" He asked sharply.

River piped quickly, before Simon could answer. "He doesn't know!"

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Zoe steped to the door, holding her gun steady. She could just open the door, blast him, and let it be done. Nothing to it really. Let the deep dark 'verse swallow what's left of the abomination. She peeked through the glass on the door. She saw him. Sleeping. Innocent. Unsuspecting. Suddenly he began to spasm, her brow furrowed as she watched him shake and his head thrash back and forth. His hands slammed to the floor and he screamed, a pain filled reverberating sound the moved through the door and tore through Zoe's stomach. That was the sound of torture. The sound he made for months after Niska tortured him and Mal. His eyes went wide and he looked away from her to his right on the cold metal floor, one hand reaching out. Where they in there bed, she would be there. To his right. Where she always slept. She saw his hand squeeze into a fist and fingertips catch the grating in his grip. He was in pain. Real human pain. She found her gun at her side, no longer pointed. She forced herself to step back. To sit.

Wash. Her wash? No. It couldn't be him. He is a clone. A monster made to look like her Wash. It wasn't her Wash. Not Wash. Not Wash. Not Wash. Not Wash. Wash.

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Mal stared at Simon with a long blank stare. "What do you mean? Unidentified?"

The doctor sighed, he couldn't explain it four times, he wasn't that patient of a man. "That is what I mean, I don't know what the protein is, what it does…they could be clones. Or they protein could be something they fed them, something they injected them with, something as a priming for the process. There is no way for me to know. Not without more information. I compared to Wash's blood. There is no significant markers like his. I can't tell. Not now at least Mal. They could be. They could not be. I need more time."

"No." Mal said flatly.

"What?" Simon blinked.

"I said No." Mal repeated.

"But-" The doctor was quickly cut off.

"If they are them than we are putting them through living hell. There is no way I will let them go through another day not even knowing if they really natural. This isn't something they need to know."

Simon blinked. "You can't keep this from them, the real Kaylee and Inara could be trapped somewhere, waiting for us to rescue them."

Mal stopped and turned. "No. If they are out there, they would be dead. Their brain run through a scanny thing, just like you explained they did with Wash. Bombarding them with enough radiation to fry them in order to get a perfect imprint for the new brain. The people we have here. These three. Are all we can possibly get. They think like them, they are exactly like them. We can't continue to treat them like copies. Even if they are, they don't know it. They are just like the originals and the originals are probably gone. What is the use in telling them they are copies of themselves. No. Just tell them you cleared them." He glanced at River. "You too. I don't want to know the truth. Tell Inara and Kaylee they aren't copies. Tell them they are right as rain originals and don't ever speak of this again. No more tests. Leave it be."

He walked away almost angry. Simon couldn't stop himself from asking the next question. "And Wash?"

"I'll deal with him myself." Mal stated flatly.

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Simon let himself into Kaylee's bunk, he stepped down the ladder quietly, knowing she didn't like to be startled, he would stroke her hair till she woke up, do it gently and kindly, lie to her and leave. He stopped, his heard pounding in his chest. Jayne was on top of her. Naked. On top of her Naked. Completely Naked. Kaylee was also Naked. They had sex. Kaylee. And Jayne. Had sex. He…would have to…come back …later. Yeah…later.

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Wash didn't know what was going on. It had been a really long time. Silence. No one had come to see him. Not Kaylee. Not Inara. Just him alone with his thoughts in a tiny storage closet. For the longest time. He made a choice. The choice to do the right thing, even if it would hurt them. He had to say, what he had to say.

"Have a seat" Mal offered,

"Thank you." Wash said sitting slowly at one end of the table. It was very strange with the Captain on the other side, just staring down the wooden surface at him. He felt like an animal on display.

"Alright…I got only a few options. I could kill you. I could let Zoe kill you. I could let Jayne kill you." The man's voice echoed in the empty room. "So, I suggest you make this might quick, I got a ship needs runnin'. Say what you need to say. Prove to me. . . your _our_ Wash."

The blonde man shifted uncomfortably in his seat. He looked over his shoulder at the door to the engine room. He looked down at the warm red glow of Serenity's turning heart, what kept her alive, just like Kaylee it was full of warmth and vibrant swirling energy. He didn't want to do this to any of them. But especially not to Kaylee.

The man's voice sounded hallow and forced as he let out a breathe. He pushed his head back to Mal, staring at the Captain. One man's light eyes stared deeply into the other's, but something pushed the Captain up, as if trying to dive with a life jacket on. Wash broke the silence. "I suggest you be lettin' me go on my way at the nearest port. Alliance won't track ya once I'm off your ship, just keep low, don't come looking for me." He took a long breathe and let it out.

"You got no choice but dumpin' me … see … Capt'n I can't prove a thing. Cause. . . I ain't _your _Wash."

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	3. Body and Soul

**Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters, I don't own Firefly or Serenity, I don't own my house, I don't own my car, I don't own my pants. Where…are my pants? Where…is my car…? Oh shit..not again…SAFFRON!

**Warning: **Sexual Content…I repeat _graphic _Sexual Content. There will be scenes and they will probably be graphic. Lemons and Limes are my kind of fruit, and if you ain't cool with that turn around now. Now on a different note, there is a little splash of torture, and a little dash of action, lot of blood, and a little gore zested on top for garnish. Read at your own risk

The XXX XXX XXX XXX XXX XXX denotes a time change or scene shift. I usually use stars, but they don't show up on this site. Odd don't you think?

Body And Soul

By: Koken

Kaylee didn't mean to run into the room, her feet just moved on their own. She'd been hiding with Inara behind the southern door leading to the engine room, listening carefully and hoping that everything would be alright. She had prepared herself for the Captain to say all sorts of mean and nasty things to poor Wash. She did not account for this doubt to come from the former pilot. The young girl opened her mouth to say something, but it didn't come out, nothing came out. She couldn't form any words, she just shook her head no and looked down at the blonde.

Jayne dared to look in from the other door as he heard the footsteps enter the room. Jayne never hated the clone more than the moment he broke little Kaylee's heart. She looked like she had been physically punched in the chest, her shoulders hunched forward, her brow knit together and her mouth hung open. She was out of breathe. Wash couldn't look at her, yet knew she had stumbled into the room. "Sorry Kaylee. I lied. I'm just a clone, everything I told you was a lie."

The girl took a few steps back. Her eyes sad. She let a tear fall down her face. Her cheeks flushed with embarrassment: She ran.

Silence filled the room until both Inara's strong womanly voice, and River's gentle childlike voice chimed together. "That's a lie." Although the companion had swung through the door using it for support, passing Kaylee on her way out, River uncoiled from her hiding place inside the room. She stepped down, flowing like water as she hit the ground, her frame graceful but strong and her eyes harsh.

River looked at the companion, allowing the well spoken lady to continue. "You just don't want to be here anymore. You don't want to cause this much pain. You wanna break Kaylee heart before the Captain breaks it by throwing you off."

"No." Wash said firmly, keeping his voice at a strange tone. "I want to leave. I don't wanna stay on this boat no more."

"Hurts to Much." River said, taking over with her echoing, haunted voice. "Zoe loves the dead man, but your alive. You should be dead. But your alive. She can't love you alive. So you'll die."

Jayne blinked and looked more confused then a monkey trying to use a computer, he was no longer concentrating on staying hidden. No one said a thing, including Wash.

"You can prove it, but your done fighting. Tortured, Killed. You died, but you never got rest. You think your supposed to be resting now. You wanna kill yourself and get it over with. You wanna put it back the way it's supposed to be." River's voice made the space feel smaller, made the room want to collapse in on itself as she climbed onto the table in front of him. "But your wrong."

Inara walked toward slowly, using the wall then the counter for support, she reached Wash and put a hand on his shoulder. This made Mal uncomfortable. He felt the pang of jealousy, the coursing urge to want that same affection. Did he have to die and be cloned for Inara to touch him so tenderly? He would do it.

"Stop letting the torture do the talking. You wanna stay, you gotta fight. You want Zoe back, you gotta fight. You want your friends back, you gotta fight." Came the crazy girls slow voice. "Think like Wash again." River whispered, her knees bending up and folding into her chest. "Prove yourself."

Wash looked around the room. He could see Jayne through the door, and he could see Simon, not even attempting to hide, standing dead center in the hallway, staring into the room. Everyone had clustered to the town central to see the freak show.

"I'm quite the attraction." Wash said with a chuckle.

"Yeah. Could say that." Mal said leaning back. "Jayne, Simon, you commin' in or stayin' out? Don't be lingering, it's creepy."

Jayne made a gruff noise and turned away, he wasn't one for drama, and something else was pulling at him anyways. He turned and heard Simon walk in behind him, the mercenary left the drama and made his way down the stairs looking for Kaylee. He turned in the small hallway, allowing the tall dark haired first mate enough room to pass him by.

The Captain still looked just at Wash, Simon pulled up a seat at the table, next to Mal, while Inara stayed close to the pilot. The blonde didn't speak for a long time, a hallow silence coursing through the room. He couldn't say nothing with the Captain looking at him like that, but Inara was looking at him the same way. He remembered what it was like, to see Kaylee round the corner, to hear Inara's voice when he woke up. He remembered how they trusted him, how they saved him, in more ways than one, and now he planed on just killing himself anyway. He didn't want to betray their trust like that, didn't want to break the mechanic's heart, but no matter how he loved his friends, one person meant more to him then all of them combined. He would do anything to make her happy, including disappear. If that is what it took.

That very person let her feet fall heavily as she stepped into the room, she walked behind Mal. She was strong willed, she stood with her feet planted and her arms crossed. She was protecting her heart from anything that Wash could throw at it. He still didn't say anything.

River turned and looked at Zoe, her dark eyes flickering as her mind dug into the dark woman's private corners. "Answer Yes, or Answer No. Do you want the truth." Her voice was something of a song.

Mal was the Captain here, he was supposed to be the one being convinced, not Zoe, he knew this was important to her, but there was a reason he didn't want her here. Relationship on the ship made things very complicated. "River, that's enough, Wash is the one suppose' be talkin' here."

Wash looked down at the table. He couldn't see Zoe when he said this. "My name is Hoban Washborn, I fell in love and married Zoe Alleyne, I was born 2486, planet so thick with people, can't see the stars. Entered flight school at 17, second in my class, although it wasn't exactly a fair assessment considering Mr. Universe never really flew a day in his life, just programmed the auto-pilot to do it for him. Took this job, could've done something better. Something easier, shuttling people cross the core for a lot more money, and a lot less trouble…but I wanted to be 'round Zoe. 2513, married her, told her that I would love her, and honor her, in sickness and in health, till I get us both killed." He leaned his head to one side playing his fingers over the wood surface. "Don't ever remember everything but I remember when I asked you out and you said yes."

"I never said yes." Zoe snaped, catching him in a lie.

"Didn't say no, that was close enough for me." Wash retorted quickly. He looked up at her, deep into her eyes for the first time and gave a slow smile. Then he said it. Word for word. "Come on, I go out there and risk my life for you and all I get is a cold look." They both knew what came next, and Mal vaguely remembered the conversation going through his cargo bay. Wash took a moment to regroup and continued. "No thanks, no nothing. Come on! Gimmie a kiss for my troubles at least."

The man nodded and cleared his throat, he looked at Mal and smiled in the moment. "She just gave me the strangest look."

"Alright, I'll settle for a date first." Wash continued the reenactment, pretending to give have cold demeanor. He smiled up at Zoe, despite her cold look staring at him. "I mean, at least I can treat you to a nice dinner planet-side before we get all hot and heavy, no no, I insist."

There was a long silence, both Zoe and Wash knew it was Zoe's line, he wanted her to say it and she couldn't bring herself to. River spoke for her, her voice a firm imitation of the first mate, "You better shave that rat off your face."

"Wait…that…wasn't a no then?" Wash said with a smile looked down at the table. He closed his eyes. "Got tortured by Niksa, no way I could have gotten through that without you Mal…okay…you want more?" Wash asked a little tired, he wasn't expecting to say so many…personal things.

Before he could continue, Mal interrupted him. "Okay, can you tell me what the last thing you said before you died."

"I'm a leaf on the wind." Wash responded, without hesitation, without a flicker of deception, only an overwhelming sadness bubbling up inside his belly. He wanted to close his eyes, to block out the cold look Zoe was giving him. He just remembered her voice, calling out to him as he slipped away. It hurt, more than the memory of the physical pain.

"Okay. I believe you." Mal said firmly. "But before I choose, what do you want? You wanna stay or you wanna go?"

Wash let his eyes flicker to Zoe, he saw her turn and walk away. Her feet moving at their normal pace, but it still felt like she was running. "I'd like to stay sir, but I know that ain't my choice entirely."

"That's right it's mine. You gotta make good with my mechanic, and don't be pulling those kinds of lies no more." Mal stood up, and let out a breath. "Then you gotta make sure my first mate ain't gonna kill ya."

"You gonna let me stay?" Wash asked, wanting a straight answer, he didn't want to hang, the unknown, the dark, it itched under his skin now.

"Ain't decided for how long. You can take a guest bunk." Mal answered, and Wash knew that was all he was going to get, wasn't even worth trying to push the Captain. When the pilot looked around him, he noticed a sight he hadn't counted on. Smiles. Inara, River and Simon all seemed happy that he was back. They believed him, they didn't care he was a clone.

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Jayne wasn't good at making people feel better, but at least Kaylee wasn't crying, she just seemed angry, frustrated or something of the sort. She sat there on the catwalk of the cargo bay staring at Serenity. Jayne took a few steps toward her, she didn't look up at him, so he took the rest of the distance in a few strides and planted his large body with a plop next to her. He wasn't sure why he was here, wasn't sure what he was doing. He liked Kaylee well enough, but she seemed to have made it perfectly clear it was just one night, just one time, just one weakness. He couldn't get the thoughts out of his head. How she tasted, the way she sounded, the way she looked wiggling under him as he took her, made her his, in a very very physical way. He was good at that, takin' girls into his bed and making an impact, but he's never tried to make it happen a second time, not the same woman. He loved the feel of a woman, this woman. Never before had he bothered to deal with feelings. Kaylee was different, he honestly didn't know what was wrong, or why, or what caused it, but he was starting to pay attention. He wanted to say the right thing, although he rarely did. She was her, Simon had told her so that morning in front of her bunk, he had been listening at the bottom of the ladder.

"What's got your panties in a twist now?" Jayne asked, assuming that anything else just wouldn't sound like him.

Kaylee shook her head with a cocked smile. "You know Jayne, just doesn't make no sense. I know that's Wash. I know that's _our_ Wash, and I don't want him goin'. He's been through a lot you know. Just want him stayin' here where we can keep him safe."

"You like him huh?" Jayne asked, his voice unable to mask a small amount of accusation, jealousy bubbling up to the surface. "You gonna duke it out with Zoe for him?"

Kaylee shook her head, she reached out and gave his chest a gentle push. "Not like that you goof, he's our friend, part of this crew, this family, course I like him. Not in the way I like …" She promptly let her voice trail away. Was she allowed to tell him that?

"The way you like…?" Jayne asked, suddently on fire with jealousy. She had to finish. "What…like you like who?"

Then there was silence for a long while, filling the room and weighting down the atmosphere. Kaylee didn't answer and Jayne didn't know what to stay. So the mercenary went back to what he did best. He pulled her toward himself and despite her surprise wide eyes planted his lips on hers. His mouth was soft and warm, his lips were passionate and hot, the movement of them alone made Kaylee want to melt.

The mechanic was hesitant and tense at first but she didn't have any aversion to kissing the man in front of her, she was whole and free and knew she was herself again. She was burning on the inside. Her lips moved on there own, her hands moving around his neck and she let out a muffled squeal into his mouth as he hauled her up completely onto his lap. He was strong, very strong and his stubble tickled her face as he ground his lips on her, his tongue wiggling into her mouth and invaded her. She felt like she wanted to tremble as her mind forgot about everything except him…kissing her...touching her…doing what he did last night…again…and again…and again.

Jayne loved the feeling of her smaller body in his arms. He held her firmly but gently, his lips keeping a feverish pace on hers. One hand went up to her face and stroked her delicate skin and neck, soft brown hair twisting through his fingers. He let his eyes crack open a little, peeking at her face as they locked together. He smiled into the kiss before breaking it in favor of his burning lungs. They both looked at one another, breathing fast before letting themselves slow down, and suck in deep low breathes of air.

Even after calming down for a moment, Kaylee was still nestled in Jayne's lap, and his large hands still held a tight grip on her hips. "W…what was that for?" She whispered, seemingly afraid that someone in the empty cargo hold would hear them.

"Are you thinking about Wash now? Or Simon?" Jayne asked, his voice a little husky, attempting to hide what he felt.

Kaylee opened her mouth to speak, her eyes a little hung, her body loose and relaxed. She had the most graceful smile as she looked at him. Jayne wasn't the most intelligent man, but he was willing to bet the girl in his arms was just about to say something sweet, or cute, or delightful, and he would then have the pleasure of kissing her again, maybe more.

That plan was so rudely interrupted but the sound of footsteps heading toward them. Kaylee's eyes went wide, her body tensed and she scrambled out of Jayne's arms. The strong man let her go and took a few deep breathes. He couldn't get up quite yet or the whole ship would know just what they probably would have done if not interrupted.

Wash's clear voice came into the cargo bay. "Kaylee. Can we talk?"

"Of course." Responded the smiling girl as she quickly ran up the stairs. There was tension in every pour of the cargo bay, it hung thick in the air and was so difficult to breathe. She followed Wash, running out of the room with her heart racing as she took a second to glance back at the large man she left behind. Jayne had kissed her, took her in his arms and kissed her like with the hear of a thousand suns and she had liked it…a lot.

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"No hard feelings?" Wash asked with a small smile.

"Course not." Kaylee said with a shrug. "Just…don't do that again, ain't nice to lie." They smiled, the moment was awkward, because neither were really thinking about the person next to them.

Kaylee was thinking about the heat still on her lips, she was thinking not about complicated mental issues but the pure animalistic lust that Jayne moved with. He didn't seem like a man, more like a beast. He had just grabbed her, yanked her onto him and she had liked it. She had felt his arousal and knew he liked it too. Did he just want to tumble with her? Did he want something more? Did he like her? Love her? She had been about to tell him that she liked him…but…maybe it is better Wash interrupted. She pulled herself out of the silence to look at Wash, who was a million miles away.

Wash was thinking about Zoe. Her eyes were gone, her demeanor cold. He was too afraid and unsure of what was going on inside of her to properly interpret her body language. He still loved her, with every inch of himself. He knew how she moved and could read her very well, but not at the moment. His mind kept making jumps back to the image of her holding a gun to his face. More than that, of her cold eyes as she did it, not even surprised to see him alive.

They sat in a quiet silence, the pilot afraid to face the woman he loved, and the mechanic afraid to face what she had been so long distracted from.

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The lights in Simon's guest bunk where a dim warm color that cast harsh shadows across the small space. He found himself still pouring through the papers that documented Wash's "treatment." He had more files around him. He kept medical records of all the crew after he came aboard; Wash's, Kaylee's and Inara's were spread around him.

He slowly moved the slippery photos through his fingers, passing by the autopsy documentation in favor of the man's brain scans. There were one for every case, even some old fashioned, hand drawn, maps of Wash's brain. Folding this information slowly into his mind Simon saw the lines of his thoughts and memories bare an artificial resemblance to normal human pathways. Although Simon believed the brain was a fundamental part of the human being, controlling them and making them who they are, he still wasn't sure if he was convinced this was all the same. Wash. Poor Wash. They had grieved for him, and then someone had dug him up and used him for very inhuman experiment. Excluding of course the changes that he underwent during the last few months of torture, Wash appeared to be the same as the day they found Miranda, but his brain showed something different. Simon could see the unnatural burn marks tracing through the man's head. Simon could see the tool marks the reproduced every finite detail of Wash's memory, yet they were still tool markers. Minute traces and examples of slight miscalculation. His brain was imprinted, after every death with the memories of his past life.

He lied to Kaylee, because Mal had told him too. He hated it when he had to lie. That wasn't what crawled under his skin however and kept him from sleeping. No. The image of Jayne on top on Kaylee. The image of the beautiful girl say _his _name, griping _his _arms and coming for _him. _It was Jayne, JAYNE! The monkey brained moron that couldn't put two and two together. He took advantage of her, that is what he did. She was scared and vulnerable and if Simon could have just figured out a way to tell her the answer, the truthful answer faster. No. It wasn't his fault. Kaylee. Kaylee…would never have slept with Jayne. Not the Kaylee he knew at least. Maybe she was a clone. Maybe …she was…she could be. She may be…what…what could he do to get an answer? He set down the files and rubbed his eyes with a deep long breath, a sudden thought entered his brain and he jumped from his bed.

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Mal nursed the mug of alcohol in his hands, slowly turning it over as he watched the amber liquid swirl in the glass. He wasn't one for thinking about heavy subjects or making difficult decisions. He always did what had to be done, but lately, since Miranda he'd been plagued. You can't always do something right, and do the 'right thing'.

It was easy for Mal to accept Wash. He felt regret for making the choice that lead to the sacrifice of several friends. All of them paid for the 'right thing', and they didn't at all deserve such a fate. As long as this fixed his mistake, brought Wash back from the dead without turning him into a zombie, Mal was okay with that, happy to have an excellent pilot back on his ship. Not to mention he was willing to welcome back a member of his crew, his family.

"But nothin' ever is just that simple round here." He muttered as he took a sip of his drink.

"Why is that?" Asked a cool and collected angelic voice from over his shoulders. Inara moved with the grace and ease of a bird as she descended all but silently and lowered herself next to him. She was dignified and beautiful next to him, as she always was.

"Nothin'" Mal assured her not sure that he should talk to her about anything at all.

"Is Wash still worrying your mind?" Inara asked softly, her voice had a sweetness that Mal wasn't used to. When there was only silence in response, Inara took the opportunity to slide a little closer to the Captain, she loved the feeling of his warmth radiating into her. "You know, when I saw him, the first time, Kaylee was holding onto him, he was dieing in her arms. I felt…the same loss I did when you told us he wasn't coming. I instantly knew the man, even when he didn't say a word to me. I just knew. I think, with a little time, and effort, Zoe will come around. However, you were right. It is your choice." She wasn't patronizing him, she wasn't angry or spiteful. Her words came with a smoothness and a sweetness that lulled Mal and lowered his defenses.

The man was almost startled when she lowered her head onto his shoulder. He slowly lifted up his hand and slide it up her delicate silk back. He pulled her close to him, into the warmth of his body and closed his eyes. He didn't know why he did it. Maybe her kindness, maybe the alcohol once in his mug now clouded his judgment, but he couldn't stop the display of affection. Didn't want to stop holding her so close.

Guilt raced through him. He didn't want to tell her what was really bothering him. He didn't want to tell her she might also be a clone. But the tenseness in his body gave him away. They fell into one another so easily. Inara wanted to accept it but she felt the distance in him. She sat up and looked at him in the eye.

"Your knee looks like it's doing better." He said, hand still on the small of her back.

"…Mal…" She asked a little afraid. It was the way he avoided her eyes, the way the muscle in his neck tensed. It always did that when he was hiding something from her. Because he remained silent she knew it was something large, important.

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Jayne waited in the engine room, he knew that would be the first place she would go when she was done with Wash. He leaned against the wall with the door, hidden from those outside. He waited impatiently for what seemed like an eternity, then she walked in walking toward Serenity's engine and Jayne promptly slid the door shut.

Kaylee jumped looking behind her. Jayne was there smiling at her, he looked like he was about to ask a question when the brown eyed mechanic reached out and pulled him to her. He didn't say anything, just kissed her with heat and passion, grinding himself into her. And just as quick, he pulled back and let her feet hit the ground again. He looked down at her with intense hunger, eyes that said they wanted her badly enough to roar. But he backed away.

"Hey!" She whispered. "Where are you going?"

He shook his head. "We can't do this here. . . Mal…Mal said if I touched you…again…"

"Again?" She asked blinking deeply.

"He knew…about the first time I kissed you…there was someone there…who saw us. . . it must have been him." Jane said a little out of breath.

"It wasn't him, It was me." Simon said with a bit of a jealous tone as he stood in the doorway.

"Simon?" Kaylee asked tilting her head.

"Kaylee, I need to do another test." Simon said as he turned, expecting her to follow.

"What for?" She asked, an innocence and sweetness to her, an entirely different Kaylee that enjoyed Jayne grinding against her just moments before.

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Mal thanked some lady of luck that he heard fast feet approaching. He looked up to see Kaylee running toward him. It was only when she got closer did he see her expression. She slammed into Mal, pushing him toward the edge of the platform she was about to try and throw him over the edge when Jayne's long legs finally caught up to her and pulled her back to him. She struggled, wiggling in his arms as she screamed.

"YOU LIAR!" She yelled. She had tears in her eyes as she calmed a little, at least she stilled and crumpled, letting Jayne support her. Simon was a few feet back on the stairs, but he immediately ran down to Mal Standing next to him, the one who ordered him to lie. Simon was passing the blame.

"YOU THINK I WOULDN'T CARE? THINK I WOULDN'T FIND OUT! I WANNA KNOW!" She screamed still uncontrollable.

Inara couldn't stand but her calming voice could reach the girl. "Kaylee…what's going on?"

With so much commotion it wasn't long before, River and Wash had made there way into the Cargo bay on different levels.

"He doesn't know!" She spat. "They don't know. They told us we weren't clones but they never knew! There was no way to tell. Now Simon wants to do another test and what if this one doesn't tell us. ARE YOU GONNA LIE AGAIN!" Kaylee was angry beyond words, she slid down. She was shaking as Jayne slid with her. Holding her as delicately as he could. He didn't want to let go.

Mal opened his mouth to defend himself, but Inara was already speaking. "Does it matter?"

"WHAT?" Kaylee asked, about to continue when Inara cut her off.

"Does it even matter. Don't you feel like yourself. Don't you feel real?" She asked.

"Yes…" Replied the brilliant mechanic.

Inara tilted her head to the side and looked at Kaylee sweetly. "Don't you believe Wash is just as real as the Wash we knew before?"

"Yes." She whispered truthfully, not even looking up at the man in the room. She didn't say it from pressure, she said it because her pure heart believed it.

"Then if you were a clone," said the woman, very sweetly and firmly, "You would be just the same, so what does it matter."

The girl finally calmed, breathing easier. "Why did he lie?"

"You would rot from the inside, thinking the insides where not yours." Said the physic girl behind her, drawing Kaylee's attention. "That is why Mal lied. That is why Simon lied. That is why Jayne lied."

Kaylee noticed, Jayne was still holding her, and she pulled away from him. She didn't realize what she was doing in front of everyone on the ship. She was too angry. "You lied to me about WHAT?"

Jayne blinked. Exactly how was he supposed to answer that in front of Mal?

Simon decided Jayne wasn't digging his own hole fast enough, maybe he needed some help. "Whatever he said to convince you to sleep with him last night."

_Everyone_ looked at Simon. Surprise, Anger, Resentment, Hatred, Disgust, where hurled at the Doctor like daggers.

Mal looked a little angry, staring down at his mechanic and his mercenary as he coughed to gain their attention. "Excuse me?"

"She likes him" Whispered river to Wash, far from the center of the action, her words going unnoticed by most of the key players in the argument.

"Oh! STUFF it Capt'n, I like him and you got no say in the matter!" Kaylee screamed.

"You like him?" Mal asked surprised

"You like him?" Inara squeaked, disgusted.

"You like _him_?" Simon roared, jealously.

"You _like _him?" Wash asked with wide eyes. He…really had missed a lot while he was gone.

"You like..me?" Jayne asked blinking. "Really?" He smiled, what a relief it was knowing she cared, he didn't really know why. It just felt good.

They kissed for a moment. Confusion swirled around the cargo bay as everyone needed a moment to let that little gem sink in.

Finally Mal spoke. "Let the doc test you. Get you some piece of mind?"

She dipped her head and leaned her weight back against Jayne's strength. "No… It doesn't matter." Her eyes glared at the Captain. She didn't have to say a thing, he knew that she was angry, and disappointed, and to Simon she gave the same hateful glare as she stood.

"What are you testing her for?" Wash asked, still confused as to what this fight was really about.

Simon didn't even look at Wash. "To see if they are clones, they both were asleep for some time in the facility whi-"

Wash couldn't even bare to let him finish. "Impossible." He stated flatly, "It takes them a few weeks to grow an adult clone. The only reason they revived me so quickly was because I had bodies on standby. It would be months before Inara or Kaylee would have living breathing replicas. It is absolute not possible for either of them to be clones."

Inara felt her entire body lighten. Although she had so firmly believed it didn't matter, she knew somewhere in her heart the question lingered. Hung like a lure for corrosion to take hold on her soul, something like this could eat her insides from her. Kaylee felt a whole new type of freedom. All her secret fears had been quelled for the moment. She could see River making slightly icky faces and couldn't decide if it was from her impure thoughts or Jayne's.

There was a heavy silence broken by River sticking out her tongue at Simon. "BOOB!" She yelled and ran toward him, chasing him out of the bay with a threat of either bodily harm or tickling…no one ever can tell with her.

Wash stared down at Inara. His mind turning what she said. "You really believe what you said?"

Inara nodded, peering over her shoulder at him. "Your our Wash. You don't need to prove it. I'm sure that Zoe knows…maybe you should just risk it. What is the worst that could happen?"

Wash laughed and shrugged his shoulders. "She could kill me."

Kaylee nodded and laughed gently "You've been there, done that, don't suppose that should scare you." She said with a certain up beat twist, something only she could do to such a morbid argument.

"I guess your right…" He answered as he left the room with a slow pace.

Mal looked down as the companion touched his leg. "Could you help me to my shuttle?" She asked, politely, but sincerely. It was difficult for her to ask for assistance, physical need or not. A silence hung with an awkward presence as the shuttle door clicked shut. They were alone, but they were not comfortable. Inara was the first one to speak. "That's what you were hiding."

"Yep" Mal replied with a smile, not that it was off his chest.

"You know I already knew…" Inara replied. "I knew the moment Simon lied. I knew you told him too. I wasn't trained yesterday you know."

Another silence filled the room. It seemed, once they both agreed not to spend their time insulting one another. There wasn't anything to say. Mal had to push down comments about her training while Inara pushed down the urge to scold him in a very motherly fashion as to how lying isn't very nice at all. They just sat with one another for a long…long…long silence. "What happened to your ring?"

"I woke up before Kaylee, on a platform with what looked like a vast…nothingness below us. It was very dark. I wanted to know how deep it was and the only thing I had was the ring. So I dropped it into the hole." She said softly.

"How long did it take to hit the bottom?" Mal asked looking at her face, trying to read it.

Her features were stony and didn't give much away. "I never heard it hit." She whispered softly.

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Wash wasn't going to disappear. Wasn't going to run away, wasn't going to fall off the face of the 'verse. At least not unless she told him to. Zoe's strong frame stood in the doorway to the kitchen. Wash hesitated at the other end. He loved her, and seeing her so cold to him was difficult. He just wanted to say something to her. Had to say it, but like this, to her back was the best way to do it.

"I love you." He quickly continued talking, rambling because he didn't want her to turn around. "I can not remember a moment when I didn't love you after I had meet you" He took a few steps closer. She wasn't stopping him, hadn't shot him, and that meant she was listening. "I am exactly the person you loved. And …I'm sorry. I know it must be hard. Loosing me and getting me back in a matter of months. But…"

Zoe turned to face him, her eyes soft, her expression caring, her arms still crossed but her shoulders were weak. He almost had her.

"I still need you. I still need you to…I can't breathe without you …please…" He stepped close to her and let his lips touch hers his hand delicately moving over her cocoa colored cheekbone.

Zoe didn't cry in front of anyone. She didn't break down. She didn't let her emotions rule her judgment. In the moment his lips touched her she knew him again.

_Wash's cleanly shaven face pressed against her in the same tentative way he approached her around certain subjects. His kiss was sweet and searching, but a kind of loving energy poured from him into her. _

_Wash's stubbly face tickled her as he kissed her rough but sure, desperate and clinging for life after Niska's torture. She felt him dig into her mouth with a need she had never felt from him before. _

_Wash's smooth skin touched hers, slick with sweat as he kissed her deeply. Breathless he broke away, his warm body naked over her's. _

_Wash's lips touched hers. _

_Wash's thumb brushed her lips. _

_Wash's lips touched her nose in a gentle display of effection._

_Wash's lips smiled as he made a joke_

_Wash's tongue invaded her mouth and pulled her into his arms._

_Wash's warmth flooded through her as his arms wraped around her. A warm spot in the cold reaches of space._

_Wash's fingertips touched her as her eyes fluttered open. Her body ached from the blast, but his touch let her know she was alive._

_Wash's body leaned against her's as she pulled him from the satellite where his mind would remain night after night._

_Wash's touch was like fire as he made love to her, taking her in the cockpit of Serenity when no one was looking._

_Wash's electricity flowed into her like an energy of life, his smile contagious his mood infectious._

_Wash. _

Wash's kiss ended, pulling back as his bright blue eyes searched her deep brown ones for the longest moment in existence. That instant, in a way swallowed him whole and part of him will always live there. Staring into her eyes and hearing her beautifully kiss swollen lips whisper to him. "I love you too."

This time she kissed him. She kissed him with the fevering need of a starving woman who would die without him. Had died without him.

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River sat across from Simon in the infirmary. Her eyes were closed as she listened, listened in on the feelings going through Kaylee when Jayne kissed her just so. Simon's thoughts were a little too loud however for her to properly enjoy the funny business on the other end of the ship. They sat quietly, she knew what he was thinking and he knew that she knew. He knew that she knew he knew. She knew that he kn- "Stop" Came her commanding but child like voice. "Your going to give me a headache. I liked it better when you were beating up on yourself."

Simon had to say it. "I had a good thing…didn't I?"

"Yes." River said sternly.

"I ruined it…didn't I"

"Yes."

"They all probably hate me." Simon said as he hung his head low.

"No."

That was all the assurance, or comfort Simon was going to get.

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Mal returned to Inara's shuttle, a plate of food in his hands. Dinner on his ship was together, but tonight he let it all pass. Jayne and Kaylee, they had to be somewhere doing nasty things he had no say in stopping. Why forbid it and only let them undermine his authority. No. Let them be. Wash and Zoe had disappeared and honestly, he was very glad. He knew they may not be in their bunk, right as rain, as they once were. But if the pilot was lucky he'd get to sleep in the same room. Tomorrow, he would fly Serenity again. The girl was eager to welcome him back for sure. And Simon? He felt like an ass enough that the Captain didn't need to rub it in. He left him in the company of his bughouse little sister. She insisted on whispering things in his ear to torture him. Mal believed, far more than anything the creepiest was when she stated once 'incest is best.'

Inara sat on her bed, reading a book with her leg propped on a pillow. "You know Mal. I can manage on my own." She said gently setting aside the old item. Her leg was devoid of it's bandage and the bruising appeared to be dissipating. "It does feel much better."

"Shhh" He whispered, leaning forward, without another word and kissing her deeply. She didn't know if this was right, didn't know if this could ever just be this easy. She didn't want to accept it, something was wrong, felt wrong.

He felt her hesitation and leaned back on the bed, "What? Am I a bad kisser or something."

The girls warm smile spread across her face and she shook her head. She had no reason to stop. Her body was primed and missed the feeling of sex; even more with him so close to her. He obviously wanted her. I mean…it's Inara. Who wouldn't want her? But she still felt a little off balance. A little unsure.

He leaned in and kissed her. A delicate gentle motion that made her loosen up a bit. His warm wide hands began to play over her skin. He moved them to her nearly bare shoulders and rubbed slowly. He was being careful, gentle and insistent on avoiding her knee. He climbed up. "Lay on you stomach," he whispered, letting her move under him.

He climbed over her and straddled her beautiful hips. He didn't want to sit down on her, for fear she might feel something he didn't want her to know about yet. He rubbed her back slowly. A deep warm touch as he slid his fingers into her muscle, separated by a thin layer of cloth. Inara smiled a little to herself. "Usually I'm the one on top."

"Really? I thought men just paid out the nose for the right to touch you." Mal whispered in the girl's head as he gently kissed her neck.

Mal could be really …really sweet when he wanted to. He missed the feel of a woman's skin under his lips. This moment was one he had waited for. Too long. Inara had left him, left this ship and he never thought he would ever get her back. Now he had her, he had her so close that he scolded himself not to mess it up over and over again; like a mantra in his head.

Inara just relaxed. He honestly wasn't very good at this. She knew how to touch a person and he wasn't really doing it right, but he was trying. His fingers stayed on the center of her back where the bones where, she waited for a while, wishing he would move out a little bit. Waiting for him to stop grinding fingers and knuckles into her spine. He was trying so hard to be sweet, it was very nice of him. She had a sudden…very unnerving thought. She had always assumed Mal would be good in bed. Always assumed he had a lot of practice and had slept around enough to know how to touch a woman. But was this really any indication of how he touched a woman?

Inara felt a stone sink to her stomach. She was a professional. A _professional_ at this. She had entertained clients numerous times throughout the year she was on Serenity…and Mal had only slept with a whore once, that she knew of. She felt a sudden realization that this might be going a bit fast, that was the terrible feeling. She couldn't do this. Not right now. Not with so many expectations. What if he didn't live up to the many…many dreams she had of him.

She began to lift herself, about to stop the man's wandering hands when he stopped of his own accord. She looked back at him as he slid off her. "It's alright." Mal nodded, standing.

Inara sat up as quickly as she could. "What? What's alright.?" The Captain ran his fingers through his suspenders and hung his thumbs on them leisurely.

"Inara. I'm not sleeping with you unless you want to sleep with me. Do you want money or something?" Mal asked, a bit of spite in his voice.

The companion knit her brow sitting up. She didn't care if she dropped her guard. She didn't care right now. "NO! You idiot, I knew this couldn't last you were being way too civil!"

Mal rolled his eyes and growled down at the girl. "And you were being way too tolerant! You don't have enough patience to deal with me!"

"Oh I have plenty of patience!" Inara roared as she stood, forgetting about her knee as she collapsed forward.

Mal caught her, warm arms around her. She pressed against him and could feel his arousal all of a sudden. The man had a slightly awkward blush. "Look…you want me to go…I'll go." He said pushing her back as he felt himself regret the decision to catch her. They were _fighting_, he should have just let her hit the floor.  
Inara felt herself fall back onto the bed. "No," Inara growled. "I never said I wanted you to go Mal. You can't just put words in my mouth like that."

Mal couldn't stop himself before spiting out the words. "Well I'd like to put something else in your mouth but it's obvious you don't even want me to touch you."

"I never said that!"

"You didn't have to!"

"WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME!"

"I'M NOT YELLING AT YOU!"

"OH SHUT UP!" She screamed as she stood, on one leg this time and grabbed his face with her hands. She kissed him. Hot and hard and full of the pent up frustration she had carried for far too long. This felt right. His hands uncoordinated as they groped her body, his lips a mess of tongue and heat on hers. It wasn't practiced, wasn't rehearsed, it was passionate and spontaneous. Mal wasn't the kinda guy that was able to seduce women, and Inara wasn't used to Mal being so nice anyways.

Mal was tired of her being witty enough to get the upper hand verbally. He had no idea why they were yelling. He had no idea why she kissed him. He had no idea why it turned him on so much either. All he knew was her delicate hands were in his pants and she was not being gentle at all.

Inara felt like he was trying to swallow her whole, her tongue and lips were almost numb after such a hard kiss. She broke away panting for air and pushed his pants off of him. _She didn't want him???_ How dare he say such a thing. She was determined now to show him exactly how she felt. She felt his bare hands on her back and her dress around her ankles. The man was kissing her breasts and Inara's breathe was caught in her throat. His tongue wiggles around the nub and hardened her while he lifted her, pulling her legs around his waist.

She couldn't help letting out a moan as they fell to the floor on a pile of soft pillows. He broke away for a moment and finished striping himself. He was panting a little as he looked down at her. Now he realized for the first time, she was really naked. Naked, except for a pair of red lace panties, her dark eyes looking up at him with lust. He still wasn't used to seeing her short hair curling around her face, but that wasn't about to distract him.

Her eyes had a predatory look as they raked over his muscular form. He had scars and marks of all kinds and he was paler than her perfect honey skin. He descended over her and kissed her slowly. Inara didn't want to slow down. She had sex many times but the passion he spilled into her was not like sleeping with another man. She wanted him back. She had a desperate need for him. She wanted him. Badly. Her body was wet and her muscles were tight. She didn't notice her knee anymore. She didn't care. She kissed him hotly, flipping him onto his back on the pillows and arching as his erection pressed against her panties.

Mal was shocked at the fact she couldn't contain herself. She moved without planed control, she rubbed herself against him and she made soft sounds he wasn't sure she knew she was making. He squeezed her breasts and touched her anywhere he could. He planted kisses along her sweet body. She even tasted like honey, something flowery. She was so hot, he couldn't hold his breath in when her body brushed against him. The lace of her panties where wet.

Mal let his hands travel down to her center, pushing his fingertips under the elastic band of her red cloth and dipped his fingers into her wetness. He loved that reaction. She arched and let out a scream over him, he took the opportunity to flip her back onto her back and slide his fingers in and out of her. She was so wet, so wet he was turned on even more. He felt like he might explode. It took a few moments of her incoherent moaning to understand she was saying his name.

The Captain smiled wide at that thought. His name. On her lips. Damn she was hot. Stretched out on silk, moaning and wiggling, he couldn't take it for long. He almost ripped her panties off her, pulling them down and tossing them aside. He climbed over her and looked down into her hot brown eyes.

Burning blue eyes looked at her for permission. Her eyes went wide a little. "You strip me…finger me till I'm a sliver away from coming and you ask permission NOW?!" She asked, unable to help herself.

Malcolm Reynolds had to smile. A wide victorious smiled. He was finally the one who had won. He pushed himself inside her and gasps suddenly; God that felt so good. She was tight and wet and hot and willing. Her body clenched him and he felt like he might at as well come right there. He was wrong to think he had control. _She_ always had control.

It took a moment for them to catch their breath, they began to move at a frantic pace that neither would yield for the other. The Captain pulled her hands above her head and kissed her hard. He forced away coherent thought, also pushing her ability to control her own reactions. He pumped himself into her, hard, fast, and hot. He couldn't believe he hadn't lost it a long time ago. But he didn't want to finish first. He wanted to make her come, and he wanted to feel her crumple into a puddle of goo underneath him.

Unfortunately Inara was ready to finish and he wasn't hitting quite the right spot. She grabbed his wrists with her own and flipped him onto his back without missing a beat, she rocked on his hard body penetrating her, fast and in a circular motion. He didn't really care about being on top anymore. She was so beautiful straddled over him. Stretched out with her perfect shimmering flesh in the candle light. Her breasts bouncing and her hand touching herself as she rocked onto of him.

"Inara!" He moaned as he couldn't help himself. He came. A blinding bright orgasm that made every muscle tighten, he even had Goosebumps racing down his sweaty flesh. He let his eyes close only half way, the clear blue orbs staring up at the woman as she herself fell into ecstasy. She even moaned his name as she let her head fall back and shuddered. Her thighs shook and her wetness made his body twitch.

She fell onto him, her light and delicate form still a shuddering quivering mass of nerves and breathe. They lay there. Intertwined for the longest time. His arms around her and her head on his chest.

Inara could not believe she doubted the man's ability.

Mal would pay every penny he owned to do _that _again.

The dark haired woman looked at Mal's deep blue eyes, staring for several long moments, letting time pass. Finally she broke the silence with a delicate whisper in his ear. "Do you think…we'll..?" His head turned to her, looking at her, he knew what she was going to ask.

Inara stared at the handsome Captain as he hesitated. He took a breath, his answer slipping across his lips with a sweetness and honesty that made him resort to an unsteady quiver. It wasn't natural to see Mal naked in such a way. "I don't know" He said in something almost quiet.

She wanted to smile wide with victory, but she just let her face take a very honest look. "Good answer."

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The End.

Reviews…please…I am a puppy begging for scraps at a table…good, bad, ugly, I can take it…just not silence. Please…not silence. …okay…

I guess I'll go conduct my orchestra of crickets

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"Hey Mal?"

"Yeah?"

"My knee hurts."


End file.
